Forced To Forget
by bellisarioallen
Summary: Spencer is in an accident, and loses every good memory she has of her relationship with Toby, thinking she is still 16. How will Spencer cope with not knowing who she really is and how will Toby cope with losing the love of his life, when she's still standing right in front of him?
1. Chapter 1

_It was as she was on her way back home that it happened. Spencer was on the same road she had taken every day for the last two years, ever since she had started work as a French teacher in her former high school, Rosewood High. Even before that, she had taken the road five days a week while attending as a student, so she should have been used to it, and she thought she was._

_The rain was battering down on the windshield, the window wipers not able to move quick enough to make any reasonable difference. She was struggling to see through the window anyway and the darkness of the sky due to the late hour and the weather made it even worse._

_"Be careful with corners, always manipulate them carefully," her driving instructor had warned her on one of her first lessons, but Spencer had never taken the ailing older man very seriously until now. She was the youngest in a family of two girls, so she was used to manipulating people, in particular her father who had always had a soft spot for his youngest._

_Spencer realized now that she should have listened to that advice and followed it, as she began to regret taking a short cut in order to get home to her husband quicker. He was making a 'special' dinner for their 2 year wedding anniversary, although Spencer knew it would be his now infamous spaghetti, the only thing he really knew how to make that didn't already come half made._

_She was coming up to the second corner in a row when it happened. The truck speeding towards her was coming too fast to allow Spencer any time to react and even if she wanted to, she was frozen in fear, unable to move._

_Spencer's hands slipped from the wheel slightly as the impact hit her, slamming her body forward towards the steering wheel before forcing her back to the chair. _

_The car spun out of control and she could feel the seat belt digging into her as the vehicle started to rotate with her still in her it. _

_The impact of her head slamming against the seat made her feel nauseous but she was unable to continue with this feeling as she drifted in and out of consciousness, eventually shutting her eyes and feeling something dragging her somewhere she knew she didn't want to be taken._

The wave hit Spencer in a rush as she opened her eyes, the light burning her eyes like the sun on a hot Summer's day. She tried to move her hand in order to shield her eyes from the torture, but something was restraining her.

Her eyes, though still not completely open, fluttered down to her hands where they lay on the bed.

The mattress was unfamiliar, uncomfortable and she didn't recognize the sheets, which were a strange shade of blue that she was sure she had seen once before. But that wasn't the main thing troubling her: someone was holding her hand as it sat immobile on the bed, clutching it in their palm, despite the long wire that Spencer could see sticking out of her usually clean hand.

The left hand currently embracing her right was wearing a simple silver band on the fourth finger, the size, the roughness of the knuckles and nails all indicating that it was a man who had encased her hand in his.

She finally managed to open her eyes fully, the confusion overruling all her senses even though her brain was telling her she needed to rest. The white of the walls was overpowering, forcing her eyes shut again, only for her to open them once more, remaining open this time.

She could now see she was in the hospital, but she couldn't remember why.

"My wife, she's awake!" shouted a voice on her right, she assumed this was the voice of the man still holding her hand. She didn't recognize the voice though, strangely.

After an attempt to move her head ended with her head further into the pillow than before as a blinding pain filled her every sense and left her unable to think of anything else, she settled for simply moving her eyes towards the right where she could finally see the face she had attempted to picture in her mind. The real thing was a shock to say the least.

Toby Cavanaugh was by her bedside. Toby Cavanaugh was holding her hand. Toby Cavanaugh was calling her his wife.

But this was not the Toby Cavanaugh she remembered. The man next to her was older looking, wiser, his hair was much shorter and was no longer covering his eyes. His eyes, which she had never noticed were so bright and blue before, were full of concern, most likely at the confused, flustered look that Spencer could just tell was on her face at that moment.

"Where am I?" Spencer could hear that her voice came out as a croak but the people currently around her bed seemed to hear her regardless. She had gained more company since she had woken up; she was now surrounded by her parents, her sister, a doctor and two nurses. Still, Toby held her hand by her side which she assumed was meant to comfort her, but right now it was confusing her, making her feel uncomfortable.

"Spencer, sweetie, you're in the hospital. There was an accident and you've been in a coma for a few days, but my God I'm so glad to see you!" her mother cooed from the end of the bed, shuffling round to reach for her free hand and grasping it tightly in her own.

"What happened exactly?"

The doctor chose this moment to speak up.

"You're car was hit by a truck while you were inside and you suffered a major blow to the head. You also suffered a broken leg in two places, which will require you to attend some physical therapy sessions. But the major worry is the head injury, and although you're awake now we'll still have to do tests to see if there was any lasting damage. I'm afraid you're not out of the woods yet, Mrs Cavanaugh. We'll be back later to check on you." The doctor then left along with the both nurses leaving just Spencer's family and husband.

Mrs Cavanaugh.

The words echoed in her head. Mrs Cavanaugh. Mrs Cavanaugh.

This had to be some sort of joke. Why would Spencer Hastings, model student and (almost) model daughter marry pervert, stalker and possible murderer Toby Cavanaugh. The last thing Spencer remembered about Toby was that she and her friends had accused him of killing Alison.

"Babe, I was so scared! I thought I was going to lose you!" Toby kept hold of her hand, but got out of his seat to brush some stray strands of hair off her slightly bruised face. His eyes searched her face, boring into hers as he looked for something that she wasn't sure of.

He leaned in towards her, his lips puckering as he moved. They pecked her forehead lightly while he gently squeezed her hand.

Spencer leaned away slightly before Toby could kiss her again which concerned the man before her.

"Spence, you're okay, you're safe now. I'm not going to let anything happen to you ever again, I promise you," Toby said, not taking his eyes off of Spencer as she took in everything that was happening.

"I don't understand why you're here! Toby, I barely know you and the things I do know about you tell me that you would not be a good candidate for my husband!"

"What do you mean?" Toby questioned softly, gently reaching forward in an attempt to cup her cheek in his rather large hands.

"I mean that Alison caught you peeping in our windows and you probably killed her for it! Why are you here? And why did the doctors call me Mrs Cavanaugh?" Spencer was shouting now, and her family moved closer to her to provide a sense of comfort as Toby took a step back, visibly upset at the harsh words.

"Spencer, sweetheart, Toby's your husband. You've been married for two years," Veronica said, reaching out to squeeze Spencer's arm, gently enough to comfort her youngest daughter but not hard enough to unsettle her even further. "How old are you Spencer?"

"I'm sixteen, or at least the last thing I remember is being sixteen, but you all look so much older and I'm so confused. Mommy, what's happening? Please mom I need you!" Spencer was crying now, reaching out for her mother and staring at her through clouds of tears in her eyes.

Veronica's heart broke listening to Spencer's sobs, the last time she remembered hearing her cry like this since she was a child was in her senior year after a fight with Toby on their first anniversary that she still doesn't know much more about. She had held her as she cried that night and she would hold her for as long as it would take for her to recover.

"Toby, maybe you should wait outside for now. Send Aria in, she might be of some help," Peter commanded, always one to take charge in difficult situations, no matter how much his heart was breaking. He hated watching his children suffer: while Veronica had always encouraged them to self-soothe when they cried as toddlers, Peter could never resist giving his girls a cuddle, no matter how small and insignificant the cause of their crying was; he had seen it in Spencer during her breakdown and admission to Radley, and in Melissa after Ian's death and the loss of her baby and both of those times he knew that there was nothing he could do that would bring them any comfort.

As they had grown older, his love and cuddles turned into things like expensive gifts and vacations, too 'busy' to find time with two of the most special things in his life.

"I'll be right back," Peter said, following Toby out of the door, unable to process the events of the last half hour while hearing his daughter cry like that.

Aria walked in slowly a few minutes later, and it was obvious by the unsure nature of her facial expression that Toby had told her everything.

"Spencer?" she asked hesitantly, reluctant to move any closer in case she frightened her visibly fragile friend.

"Aria? You look so different." Spencer's eyes strolled up and down Aria's body as a small smile appeared on her face. "Your face has aged, but you haven't grown at all in- what year is it?" Although she smiled at the first part, she grew more confused as she tried to work out the date and how much time had actually passed since her last memories.

"It's the 12th of June 2020," Melissa announced, speaking for the first time since Spencer woke up. Her voice was slightly deeper than Spencer remembered, possibly a result of shouting at children or a husband. She checked quickly and saw that Melissa was indeed wearing a rather large diamond ring and a more simple silver band on her left hand.

"So I'm 25?" she asked softly, reaching her hand sup to feel around her face, wondering if it would feel any different after the 9 years her brain had forgotten about.

"Yes, you turned 25 in April. Toby took you on vacation to New York for the weekend, and you did some shopping and saw a few shows. You brought me an 'I heart New York' t-shirt," Aria explained, sitting gently on the empty space on the right hand side of the bed that had previously been occupied by Toby.

"What about you Melissa? I see rings on your wedding finger, so are you married?" Spencer questioned, and Melissa simply nodded in reply. "To Ian?"

"N-no," she stammered. "Ian and I were married but he um, he passed away a few months later."

"Melissa I am so sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"It's fine Spencer, it was a long time ago." Spencer was surprised by the softness in her sister's voice, used to a rough, angry tone in her presence. But then again they had apparently had an extra nine years to make up.

"Could you ask Toby to come in?" Veronica was surprised at this question but followed through none the less as she exited the room and came back with Toby in tow.


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you want us to stay?" Aria asked, not moving from her spot on the edge of the bed in case Spencer wanted her to remain there.

"No, it's okay. Could you wait outside please? I need to talk to Toby," Spencer replied, forcing a smile onto her face, but even then it was shaky and nervous.

"We'll be right outside, call us if you need anything."

With that, the three women exited the room, leaving Toby standing in the doorway, unsure of what to do.

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly. "Are you in pain?"

"I have a bit of a head ache but I think that's got a lot to do with the confusion I'm feeling right now."

Although she could feel Toby's eyes on her, she couldn't yet bring herself to look up at him.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" Toby's voice was gentle, he sounded like he could burst into tears any second. From the red circles beginning to appear around his eyes Spencer could tell that he had already been crying since she had last seen him. But who could blame him?

"How exactly did _this_ start?" She moved her hand between the two of them, and Toby had an idea what she meant but he wasn't sure.

"What do you mean?"

"Well the last thing I remember is accusing you of killing Alison and being-" She stopped mid-sentence, unsure of how much he knew about her teenage years and the many secrets she had kept hidden from everyone.

"A?" Spencer nodded gently. "I've known about that for years Spencer, you don't have to hide it anymore. A is gone."

Spencer breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that it was all over with.

"The police dropped the charges against me, something about false evidence and then you saw that I needed a French tutor so you offered your services. We became friends and then you asked for my help to spy on Jenna so we went to a motel room where we played scrabble -I beat you by the way and have dominated every single game since then- and then the next morning we started dating. We had a few problems the first year, but we don't need to go into details right now."

"Wait a minute. We slept together in a motel room?" Spencer's voice rose a few octaves as the shock set in. Spencer Hastings slept with a guy she barely knew in a motel room before she was even dating him? "And you beat me at scrabble?"

"Yes, but all we did was sleep I promise you. We had our first kiss the next morning." Toby laughed at the fact that she sounded even more shocked about losing a game of scrabble.

"H-how long have we been together?" she asked nervously. She wasn't sure why she was nervous, it's not like she didn't have an excuse for asking all these questions.

"Eight and a half years. We've been married for just over two years. I have a picture in my wallet of us on our wedding day, if you want to see?" The smile on Toby's face was visible, but still anxious.

"Not right now, I still haven't seen what I look like as a 25 year old yet. Is there a mirror I could look in?"

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea. Like the doctor said you suffered a major head injury so you have a few cuts and bruises right now which look pretty bad. I don't want your first view of your older, even more beautiful face to be distorted." Spencer's cheeks turned a deep shade of crimson as the heart rate monitor attached to her beeped in over drive.

"I don't care about that, I just really want to get a good look at myself. I always wondered what I would look like when I aged, even if it was only a few years."

"As long as you're sure that's what you want. I'll be back in a second, I'm sure Hanna will have a mirror."

"She's still the same then?" Spencer asked, laughing lightly. At least one thing is still the same, when everything around her that she thought she new had changed completely.

Toby returned just a second after leaving, a round mirror in hand.

"Hanna said that you're lucky she has a big purse that fits this in it, Caleb rolled his eyes at that. I still don't understand how he's put up with her for this long."

"Is that Hanna's boyfriend?" Toby nodded, walking closer to the bed, careful not to turn the mirror to face Spencer just yet. "What about Aria? And Emily?"

"Aria got married last year, and is now Mrs Jason DiLaurentis so the two of you are more like sisters than ever. Emily went travelling around Europe last year and met and fell in love with a woman called Rose in Bosnia, who came back to Rosewood with her. Caleb is Hanna's high school boyfriend, they've been together as long as us and they got married six months ago, so they're still using the 'honeymoon period' excuse for the fact that they can't seem to keep their hands off each other for long unfortunately."

"What do you mean by Aria and I are more like sisters than ever?" She was still processing all the new information, but this bit stuck out in her mind for some reason. "And since when did Aria like Jason? He was always nothing more than Ali's creepy older brother to us."

"Well when you were 16 you found out that your dad had an affair with Jason's mom and was actually Jason's father. So he's your half-brother. And I can't remember exactly when he and Aria started dating, it was a while ago though."

"You mentioned that you knew all about A and that they were gone, but did we ever find out who it was?"

Toby's silence made Spencer's heart race, the monitor picking up on it yet again.

Luckily for Toby he wasn't attached to one, or else it probably would have burst into flames by now with the speed of his racing heart.

"You found out in your junior year that Mona Vanderwaal was A, and she was sent to Radley sanitarium for about seven months. You then realized that it was more than one person who was involved. Although there were many 'minions' and helpers, you found out that Alison was actually alive and was the leader of the A Team, as you called them." Spencer didn't seem to notice that Toby couldn't stop fiddling with his hands and shuffling his feet, which was especially strange considering she was looking anywhere but his face, still unable to look at him for more than a mere few seconds.

"Who were her helpers? Anyone I know?" She was curious and he could tell, remembering what she was like when it was happening the first time, the fact that she always hated to be wrong and not having control over every aspect of her life. He knew that there was no chance he could get her to give up on finding this out and he was reluctant to say anything else. He didn't want to have to lie to her, but he knew that he shouldn't confuse her and upset her even more.

And if he wanted her to fall in love with him all over again, telling her the full truth about the events of his A Team days was not the way to go about it.

"A few people were blackmailed into doing some stuff for Alison, but the people we know for definite were involved were Lucas Gottesman, Ezra Fitz, Jenna and Wren." He spoke slowly so that she had time to take everything in, but his tone of voice turned angry when he mentioned Wren's name. He was the last person they discovered was helping the A team, having also found out that he was a former member of the NAT club and had had a short-lived affair with Alison, and had been blackmailed by her into helping.

"Why was Mr Fitz involved? And Wren?" The last time Spencer remembered seeing Wren, he had invited her into his motel room, and despite the devil on her shoulder telling her to do it, she declined the offer, choosing to go home instead, despite the nagging voice in her head screaming at her.

"Alison had a thing for older guys and she certainly made a valid attempt to make her way around the men of Rosewood. They were members of the NAT club, a secret society who filmed young girls in their bedrooms, and Alison blackmailed them both into joining. They both said that they were forced into it, and Ezra admitted that while the beginning of his relationship with Aria had been set up by A, he really did love her, but it couldn't save their relationship."

"Aria dated Mr Fitz?" Spencer shouted in shock, making a move to sit up slightly before her struggles forced her to give up entirely.

"Sorry, I forgot that you wouldn't know that. They were together for over a year, starting before he left Rosewood High for Hollis College." Toby was extremely apologetic, not used to having to hide things from his wife while also telling her about events that happened 8 years ago.

"I'll need to have a chat with her later about that!" she announced, a serious look on her face.

"I completely forgot about the mirror, can I have it?" She wasn't the Spencer Toby knew, not even the Spencer he had known nine years ago. She wasn't quite cold with him, but she was acting like he was nothing more than a stranger, someone she had just met but had taken an immediate dislike to.

He knew it wasn't her fault, but he felt like he had lost her already. He was standing by her bedside, far enough away that there was no danger of accidentally brushing her, but close enough that he could smell the usual Spencer scent, a mix of vanilla and strawberries, strangely.

"Do you want me to leave you while you look?"

"No, stay!" she shouted too quickly. "Please."

"Whatever you want," he replied as he handed her the mirror, watching her reaction as she turned it round so it reflected her face.

She gasped quietly. Not only was there bruises just below her lip and under her eye, causing a black eye that looked like it would get worse before it healed, there was a newly stitched up cut on her forehead and a split on her bottom lip that was obviously the result of biting it far too hard.

"Are you okay?" Toby asked, but he didn't get an answer, as Spencer was too busy staring at her reflection, her mouth still slightly open. "Spencer!"

She snapped out of it quickly, jumping at the sound of Toby's raised voice.

He took the mirror out of her hands, not wanting to see the disgusted look on his wife's face. He took his wallet out of his pocket, taking out a pile of pictures that he kept close to him at all times.

He placed the pictures one by one in front of Spencer's face, earliest to the most recent. The first one was one taken the first summer they spent together as a couple, it was a black and white picture of the two of them sharing a light but romantic kiss. Spencer smiled, even though she didn't know the full story behind it.

"This was our first summer together. We went for a walk and a picnic with Hanna and Caleb and at one point, for some unknown reason, it turned into a photoshoot, they took photos of us and we did the same for them. This one was my favourite."

The next one was of Spencer lying alone in a bed asleep, her bare arms stuck out over the duvet that covered her obviously naked body. Spencer blushed at the sight, and even though she had recently managed to finally look Toby in the eye for longer than a few seconds, keeping eye contact with him for at least 10 seconds, which had made Toby smile when she looked away, she couldn't look at him at that moment.

"This was the day after we moved into our first proper apartment together. You had been accepted into UPenn and we got an apartment about 10 minutes from campus. I got a job at a local construction firm with much better pay than here in Rosewood. We christened the living room, bathroom and the bedroom twice before we fell asleep. You looked so beautiful and peaceful that I couldn't resist taking a picture."

Spencer's face turned even darker as Toby mentioned their sex life. He seemed to be forgetting that while 25 year old Spencer might love to talk about intimate things,16 year old virginal Spencer most certainly did not.

The picture that followed that was of the couple in front of the Eiffel Tower, which was highlighted even more than usual due to the glittering lights shining off of it reflecting the stars in the dark sky. Toby's lips were against Spencer's cheek and Spencer's hands were raised slightly, pointing at the ring on her wedding finger.

Her face had aged slightly since the last picture was taken, but not a noticeable amount. Her hair was much shorter, just grazing her shoulders lightly, even though it was left naturally wavy. Toby's arms were wrapped tightly around Spencer's waist, like he was afraid he would have to let her go so he was planning on holding her as close as physically possible.

"This was about a minute after I proposed to you 3 years ago. I had a whole speech planned but as soon as you saw me on one knee with a ring box in my hand you screamed yes and didn't let me give you that speech." Toby laughed at the memory, and even Spencer smiled at the memory even though it wasn't her own and she had no recollection of it.

The next image of them featured Spencer and Toby on their wedding day, Toby was wearing a classic black tuxedo with an adorable bow tie and Spencer was wearing a gorgeous floor length white dress covered completely in lace that clung effortlessly and perfectly to her slim body.

The smiles on their faces were unlike any of the others, their grins matched each other and stretched from ear to ear. Though they were standing side by side, their arms were around each other and they looked happier than any other couple Spencer had ever seen.

"I don't really need to explain this one. But now do you see just how beautiful you really are? Even with these cuts and bruises you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. I know you didn't see that in the mirror but the mirror doesn't reflect your amazing, kind, gentle, passionate personality, or the fact that your hand fits perfectly in mine, or the fact that you always know what I'm feeling and try to get to the bottom of it, or the fact that I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone else. That's your beauty, not what you see in the mirror."

Spencer wiped the tears from her eyes, thinking that would stop Toby seeing them, but it was too late.

"What's this picture?" she asked, her hands gripping a photograph that Toby had neglected for months.

"I'm sorry, I forgot that was in there. That can wait for another time." He tried to grab the picture out of her hand but she held it tightly, staring at it.

"What was happening here?"

The picture was taken less than a year ago, in the living room of their house in Rosewood. Spencer was standing, while Toby was kneeling in front of her. Her striped t-shirt was lifted slightly at the bottom, and Toby's hands were cradling her stomach, his lips kissing it lightly. A banner in the background read 'It's a boy!'

"A week before our first anniversary, we found out that we were having a baby. We were so excited, and at the 12 week scan we found out it was a boy. I went out and bought like 5 tins of blue paint and decorated the room we had designated as a nursery when we first saw the house."

Spencer could see that Toby had tears in the brim of his eyes, threatening to fall down his cheeks.

"We have a child?" she asked innocently. She still didn't understand what Toby had to tell her.

"We went to every anti-natal class there was, we read every book and we took on board every slight bit of advice from experts and fellow parents. But when we went to the 20 week scan the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. He searched for 10 minutes but there was nothing. You'd had a miscarriage and he said it was quite common for women not to realize it. You were so brave! They had to induce you and put you into labor early, even though we knew the end result. You didn't complain once about the pain, you just held my hand as you went through this awful thing." Toby was crying now, and it had stopped him being able to speak, a lump in his throat.

Spencer's cheeks were covered in streaks of tears as well, the love for this unborn child filling her heart even though she didn't even know until now that it had existed, or had a chance of existing.

"I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't realize. I never should have asked."

"Spencer you never have to be sorry about anything that happens between us. We've done our fair share of apologizing in our relationship and I'm done with saying sorry." Toby held her chin in his strong grip, forcing her to look into his eyes. They were both looking through a foggy window of tears, but they could see each other's pain perfectly.

After a few minutes in that position, Toby moved towards her slowly,closing his eyes as he did so. Spencer's eyes fluttered shut as well, prepared for what was coming.

"I'm sorry Mr Cavanaugh but visiting hours are over. I'm afraid you'll have to go home and come back tomorrow," a nurse announced as she swanned into the room,interrupting them before their lips had a chance to reunite.

"Do you mind if I come back tomorrow?" he asked nervously, fidgeting with his hands again.

"Of course, you're more than welcome!" she replied, trying her best to remain positive, when really she's never felt worse in her life.

The smile on Toby's face as he exited the room would haunt Spencer's dreams that night. He was so full of hope, something that Spencer wasn't sure was valid at the moment, not for her anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

"Can we come in?" came a slightly familiar voice from the doorway. Spencer looked up to see Hanna, Emily and Aria waiting for her answer.

"Of course," Spencer replied. They each took a place round Spencer's bedside, Hanna and Emily on one side with Aria on the other.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sick of people asking me how I'm feeling," she admitted. "But other than that I feel okay, much better than I did when I woke up yesterday. I still feel just as confused unfortunately." She couldn't stop staring at her friend's faces, they'd all changed so much.

But none more so than Hanna.

Her long hair was no longer blonde but a light shade of brown. Her make-up was a lot softer than Spencer remembered and she was no longer wearing towering heels that would make her taller than Spencer.

"You all look so different, yet still the same. How is that even possible? I mean, Hanna's a brunette, you can't use the blonde excuse for your little moments anymore."

The three girls laughed at the slightly annoyed look on Hanna's face but her expression washed away almost immediately.

Spencer couldn't help but notice the bump sticking out slightly from Aria's usually flat stomach.

"I had a big lunch," Aria teased as she noticed Spencer staring. "Just kidding. This little one is due in November."

"If you're married to Jason, then that makes this my niece or nephew, right?" Spencer smiled, remembering all the things that Toby had told her yesterday.

"It sure does, this little one is your niece. But Hanna and Emily have already designated themselves as honorary aunts. Wait a second, how did you know that Jason is your brother? You found that out after you and Toby got together. Does that mean you're starting to get some memories back?"

Surprisingly Spencer was the only one in the room who wasn't confused, which was a pleasant change from the last 24 hours.

"Toby told me yesterday. He also told me about A and Alison and her little 'helpers'. I can't believe anyone would do that," Spencer remarked, shaking her head at the memories of the awful things A had done to them.

"W-what exactly did he tell you about it?" Emily asked, speaking for the first time since she had come in. Her voice was slightly deeper than Spencer remembered but she still seemed like the same old Emily, which comforted Spencer.

"He told me that Mona Vanderwaal was the first A we found out about and then she was sent to Radley, and that we found out Alison was actually alive and was the head of it all. He told me that her helpers included Lucas Gottesman, Ezra Fitz, Jenna and Wren." Spencer voice was still full of shock at the revelations, and the girls had forgotten that while they had had years to come to terms with it, Spencer had not even had 24 hours. "Is that everything?"

"Pretty much, I can't think of any more vitally important things that you desperately need to know." Hanna reached out for Spencer's hand as she said this, grasping it lightly and smiling.

Suddenly, Spencer remembered something else that Toby had told her the previous day.

"You dated Mr Fitz while he was still our teacher?" Spencer shouted, turning her head to face Aria, a shocked and angry expression on her face.

"Kind of, yes. You're hardly one to talk, Miss I-kissed-two-of-my-sister's-boyfriends! Was it really necessary for Toby to tell you that?" Aria had wanted to hide that slightly embarrassing fact from her best friend for just a little while at least, but that was gone now.

"It sort of slipped out. He said he forgot I wouldn't know already."

"Speaking of Toby, how were things between you yesterday?" Emily spoke up again, and Spencer had a recollection that Toby and Emily had been friends and had attended Homecoming together.

"Awkward. I kept putting my foot in my mouth and I could barely look him in the eye, especially when he started talking about our sex life. He seems to be forgetting that in my mind I'm still very much a virgin."

"Believe me, we've already heard a lot from you about your intimate life with Toby. Jason and I even made the mistake of walking into your apartment in Pennsylvania without knocking once and saw the two of you going at it on the sofa. I don't think he's ever actually recovered, you are his sister after all." Spencer's cheeks flushed yet again, taking Aria back to teenage memories of a very embarrassed Spencer at any talk of sex. "He said that he showed you some pictures. What were they?"

"There was a picture of us that he said was taken by Hanna and Caleb on a picnic date during our first summer together. There was one of me sleeping alone in a bed that he said was taken on out first night in our own apartment. One of us in front of the Eiffel tower right after we got engaged. One of us on our wedding day." Spencer's friends all nodded, like they knew exactly what pictures she was talking about. Some of them were probably on display in their home, wherever that was. "And there was one that he said he had forgotten to take out which was the two of us in front of a banner that said 'It's a boy' while he kneeled in front of me holding my stomach."

The mood suddenly went tense, no one knew just how much Toby had told her about that.

"What did he say about it?" Aria's voice was soft, tender, trying not to alarm Spencer just in case she didn't now the full story.

"He told me that I lost the baby at 5 months." Spencer tried her best not to get too emotional, still filled with love for this unborn child despite the fact that in her mind she was 16 years old and nowhere near ready to be a mother.

"Spence, I'm so sorry," Hanna said sympathetically. She desperately tried to change the subject. "So apart from awkward, what else is there to say about you and Toby?"

"I don't know. He was so sweet and gentle and caring, but it's just making things worse. I can tell just how much he loves me - the old me- but I'm not that Spencer anymore. He loves the confident, strong Spencer, but I'm weak. I'm broken." The tears that had already been threatening to fill Spencer's eyes since the talk of her pregnancy were now gliding slowly down her cheeks.

"Spencer, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but things will get better. You're going to be okay. You're not unfixable, you were in a car accident so of course you're not just going to be the same person. But you should know that there is no way that Toby would ever give up on you, no matter how bad things got. You can't expect things to be back to normal right away." Emily's words were making a slight difference, but Spencer still wasn't sure what to do. Emily was almost always the person she could go to to talk about anything and she wanted so desperately to have some of Emily's infamous good advice right now.

"But I don't want to string him along. What if I stay with him for now, go back to our house, rebuild a relationship and then a few weeks or months or maybe even years down the line I decide I can't love him as much as he loves me? How could I hurt him like that? Wouldn't it be so much better for him if I just ended things now before I get his hopes up?"

"Spencer, as much as we would love to help, we can't make this decision. That's something you have to decide for yourself, no matter how hard it is. But you can't make this life-changing decision after just 24 hours. You need to spend time with Toby properly." Spencer knew that Hanna was right, but she couldn't help but think about Toby. He could get anyone he wanted, why would he want someone who couldn't even remember any of their relationship?

"I know, it's just so difficult. I'll have to live with him anyway. Where exactly do we live? And what do I do?" Spencer realized that she hadn't actually asked these pressing questions yet, although you would expect them to be at the forefront of her mind.

"When you graduated from UPenn you moved back to Rosewood and got a house just two streets away from your parents and Jason and I. You did a degree in French and have recently become a fully qualified French teacher at Rosewood High." The things Aria was saying made sense, Spencer had always loved French and had annoyed her parents to no end on a vacation to Paris when she was 14, having learned and perfected a great deal of the language. "I could stay at your house with you if you wanted. Jason's making me wind down my hours at the art gallery where I work, even though I still have more than half of my pregnancy to go through so I could be there to help you get around, although I'm not sure I'll be much use for very long."

Aria's offer was tempting, but Spencer knew that she would only push Toby away, which she couldn't do if she was going to need to rely on him once Aria was too big to help her and she needed to get to know this Toby and not the one she thought she knew.

The one she thought was a murderer.

The one she thought was a rapist.

The one she thought tried to kill Emily.

This may be harder than she had originally thought.

"Did the doctors say anything about whether you might get your memory back?" Hanna asked.

"They said I might get flashes but if I do ever get those full nine years back it'll be after a while. They said it would help to be around familiar things and people and to be shown pictures, so I think that was why Toby showed those photos to me yesterday."

"Spence, you need to bear in mind that he's been going mad this last week thinking he was going to lose you and he almost did." The words slipped out of Hanna's mouth before she had a chance to stop them and they earned her death glares from Emily and Aria.

"What do you mean he almost lost me?"

"Hanna I'm going to kill you, we promised Toby we wouldn't tell her just yet!" Aria raised her voice more than Spencer knew possible from her tiny friend. "Well, yesterday before you woke up the doctors told your family that it was highly unlikely you would wake up. We had been warned to expect the worst from the beginning but you got worse yesterday and Toby had been thinking about turning off your life support machine to make sure that you didn't feel anymore pain. When you woke up your family was saying goodbye to you, because that was the time the doctors were due to switch it off. I'm sorry Spencer, you weren't supposed to know that, at least not now."

Spencer sat in a stunned silence for a few minutes, not really sure of what to do or say. She couldn't comprehend that all her family and friends were planning on keeping this huge thing from her.

"C-c-could you all just leave please, I really want be alone just now." Spencer couldn't bring herself to look her friends in the eyes for the first time that day and possibly ever, not that she could remember anyway.

"We'll be here tomorrow if we can," Hanna said as they kissed Spencer's cheek in a farewell gesture.

The doctor entered the room soon after the girls left, so Spencer wasn't able to get the alone time she craved.

"Mrs Cavanaugh?" Spencer didn't respond to her full name at first, not used to not being Spencer Hastings anymore. "Spencer?"

She turned to the door again, having curled herself up as much as physically possible considering she had a rather large cast on her left leg.

"How are you feeling?"

"I have a slight head ache but that's probably just because I've been thinking far too much in the last 24 hours."

"Well Spencer, considering you just woke up from a week long coma one day ago, I'd say you are well on your way to recovery. I have the results of your head scan and it looks like the trauma was mainly superficial, and has caused no real damage to your brain, other than the memory loss. But even then, it's only a slight bit of damage, so it looks very likely that you'll eventually get your memories back but I can't guarantee that. Although I'm sorry that I'm unable to tell you how long that'll take." Dr Carter's words reassured Spencer greatly, but she couldn't help but worry about the fact that the he was still unsure of how long it might take for her to recover.

"And you'll obviously have to receive physical therapy for your leg, which will start tomorrow, but if you continue the way you're going right now it looks like you may be discharged within the next week."

"Thank you so much Dr Carter, for everything, not just today." Spencer was so grateful to the man who had saved her life, even if everything had changed completely since she last remembered.

As the doctor left the room, Spencer found herself alone again. Only this time she wasn't sure she wanted to be alone. She wanted someone to share her good news and she knew the one person she wanted by her side more than anything in that moment.

She wanted Toby.


	4. Chapter 4

In the 5 days that had gone by since Spencer had awoken from her week long coma, she had learned a lot of new things about herself and her relationship with Toby.

During her junior year in high school, she became friends with Toby Cavanaugh, who was not actually a murderer, rapist or pervert as she had originally thought, and a few weeks later started a relationship with him after they spent the night together in a motel room.

They broke up after about 3 months, but then got back together 2 months later. They broke up again 7 months later, on their first anniversary, although Toby didn't explain the reasoning behind that separation, just citing a misunderstanding and refusing to say anymore on the subject. Toby then went onto say that they got back together about 6 weeks later, just in time for Christmas and have been together ever since.

After graduating from Rosewood High, Spencer attended the University of Pennsylvania, meaning that her dreams of going to an Ivy League school were realized. Toby moved to Pennsylvania with her and they got an apartment near the school. Four years later they moved back to Rosewood, where they used their savings and Spencer's inheritance from her grandparents to buy the house of their dreams. Or it was to become the house of their dreams anyway, as not much was dreamy about it when they first moved in. They had to fix it up, but it meant that it could be exactly how they wanted.

Toby took her to Paris for a week 3 years ago, where he proposed in front of the Eiffel tower. He revealed that Spencer had screamed yes before he had the chance to give the speech he had spent weeks working on.

They got married on the 16th of May 2018 in the church in Rosewood that Spencer had attended weekly with her family until she moved away. It was a small ceremony, just a few friends and family, mainly Spencer's as Toby didn't really stay in touch with much of his family except his dad, his step mother and, unfortunately, his step sister Jenna, who Spencer refused to invite to the wedding.

On the 9th of May 2019, Spencer got the surprise of her life when she found out that she was pregnant. Although she and Toby had been trying to get pregnant, they'd only began trying about a month before she found out that she was 4 weeks pregnant. Toby was elated when she told him and they started making plans immediately, decorating everything in the nursery except for the the walls. The 12 week scan revealed to them that they were expecting a little boy, and they had excitedly painted the nursery blue in preparation. Despite experiencing some slight pains, Spencer kept that to herself until just before the 20 week scan although neither her nor Toby was prepared to spend half of the day in the hospital, forced to say goodbye to the child they didn't even have a chance to say a proper hello to.

Toby had been to visit her every day since she woke up, before that even. He had taken a month off from his job as a carpenter, as his boss was very understanding of how Toby was feeling.

Her parents and Melissa visited almost every day as well, as did her friends and Jason. Jason was so brotherly towards her that it made Spencer feel more comfortable, even though she only found out they were related a few days before.

Melissa brought in her husband, Max, and their two children, five year old Lily and two year old Harry. Despite initially trying to climb on Spencer's bed and on her leg, the kids were very well-behaved, only trying to unplug a wire once, but Spencer had no idea what that wire actually did.

Lily was a complete mini Melissa and Harry looked exactly like his father, almost scarily so. Although things were awkward at first, they soon got over that and Spencer found that she got on surprisingly well with Max, considering her history with Melissa's other husband.

Her physical therapist told her that she was doing fantastic, much better than expected, and she was due to be released that day, just 5 days after waking up.

Toby was due to arrive any minute, along with Spencer's parents, to take her home and get her settled into her home. Spencer was currently sitting up in her bed, fully dressed and ready to leave. Due to her physical therapy she was now able to move around with just the aid of crutches for short journeys, though she was told to use a wheelchair when she would be on her feet for longer, so she didn't tire herself out too much.

"The cavalry has arrived," Veronica announced as she walked in unannounced. Peter and Toby trailing behind her.

Her father picked up her bag as Toby helped Spencer into the wheelchair that was placed out for her by one of her nurses. He pushed her down the corridor and, after a quick stop at the reception where Spencer's mom left a rather large bouquet of flowers for the staff who had taken tremendous care of her youngest daughter, out of the door towards the parking lot.

Getting into the car was a slight struggle, Spencer was unable to get in and out herself and needed Toby's assistance. She shuddered slightly at his touch, still not used to this new, sweet side of Toby that she had never experienced before, not to her recollection any way. He tried to place his hands as far away from any intimate spots that he knew from plenty of experience would cause Spencer to moan slightly. Even so, the light layer of nervous sweat that had collected on his hand meant that his palms slid out of his control several times when placed on the bare skin on her arms.

The colors of the house in front of her brought her attention to it as Toby parked the car in the driveway. Spencer had always pictured herself in a house this size -not too big, but not too small- and one that welcomed people in through a large, bright red door, one that looked fit for a family to run around in, with a large yard in the front and back and room for a swing set, as far as she could tell.

Spencer was surprised that there was a wheelchair ramp leading into the front door of the house, obviously put there recently by her apparently doting husband. He easily pushed her up the ramp, which Spencer had assumed would be simple any way considering the extremely large muscles that Toby had, highlighted at that moment by the tensing of his veins, but Spencer couldn't tell if this was on purpose in order to impress her.

The first thing Spencer saw when she entered the house was the living room on the right, the off-white walls perfectly accenting the blue patchwork sofa suites and chair. The floors were a shade of blue that matched perfectly with the furniture, including the light oak coffee table in the center of the room which Spencer could already tell she had put her feet upon with a coffee in hand many a time. The room was finished off with a large plasma television hanging on the wall above a cabinet which the glass front revealed was housing a dvd player and various dvds.

Someone,Toby she presumed, had set up a cushion on the coffee table so Spencer would be able to keep her leg elevated as she had been told by the doctor.

Toby took her on a tour of the rest of the house, their house, which started in the spacious kitchen, complete with a beautiful breakfast bar and every appliance she could want or need. The light oak of the living room carried into the kitchen in the cabinets and the refrigerator and freezer.

"Can I cook? Am I any good?" Spencer questioned, and Toby laughed.

"You're excellent, you always have been. It's very natural to you, but when you tried to teach me a few times I managed grilled cheese sandwiches and microwaveable meals. I wasn't the best student ever, but that was no change." Spencer smiled at this, even though yet again it wasn't even her own memory, as she could almost picture herself attempting to teach Toby to cook, picturing it ending in Toby getting extremely frustrated. She let her thoughts get away from her at the idea of Toby getting all his pent up frustration out on her, pinning her arms above her head against the wall as he attacked her lips…

"Spencer, are you okay? Do you want to keep going?" Her mother interrupted, noticing her lack of attention, but luckily she didn't seem to realize just what thoughts she had interrupted.

"No, I'm fine. I want to see the rest of the house." Spencer shook her head of any inappropriate thoughts that were plaguing her mind, not wanting to make herself or anyone around her uncomfortable.

Their next stop was the back yard, which was even bigger than Spencer expected from the view she had from the driveway. A gate in the corner led to the the front and the flat concrete path continued for a few steps before a small set of stairs led to a large patch of grass, perfect for children to run around on.

Next came the downstairs bedroom, which was set up perfectly for someone to stay in, but Spencer could tell that it was a guest bedroom due to the lack of photographs or anything else to make it homely.

"This isn't your usual bedroom but I assumed it would be hard for you to get up and down the stairs all the time and there's a bathroom right next door. I can help you get up and down the stairs if you really want to stay upstairs, I just thought this would be a lot easier for you." Spencer still hadn't had a chance to get used to Toby being so nice and kind and gentle with her, but she still couldn't get over the temptation to just reach out and kiss him.

It was the strangest feeling: Spencer knew that her body was that of a 25 year old and she shouldn't be having all these feelings and temptations, but in her mind she was a 16 year old virgin who ached to be touched and right now the only person she wanted to touch her was the one standing behind her at that moment.

"That sounds fine, thank you," Spencer replied, catching his eye as she blushed, thinking about the _things_ that have undoubtedly happened in the very bedroom he was talking about, and probably all over the house.

Toby carried her upstairs in his strong arms, careful not to hit her leg off anything, while her parents followed behind, holding the wheelchair.

The first room Spencer viewed upstairs was another guest bedroom, this one had dark blue walls, and Spencer was taken back to the first day she woke up in the hospital when Toby told her about their lost child, as it was obvious that this was the room they had decided on as the nursery for the child.

Toby quickly wheeled her away from the room, and headed towards a door that he introduced as Spencer's home office, where she could grade papers and plan lessons without interruptions from the rest of the world.

Spencer wheeled herself to the desk sitting against the far wall, which matched the furniture downstairs perfectly. She settled in front of it, even though her wheelchair gave her a slight height restriction.

"You requested this before we had even found this house, so I made it to your exact specifications, just as I did with the rest of the wooden furniture in the house." Spencer felt a surge of pride for Toby, although she wasn't sure why exactly she felt that way. She knew he was a carpenter and had been doing it for years so was obviously talented, but there was just something about seeing it first hand that made her happy.

"It's beautiful," she whispered while running her hand along the top. She opened one of the drawers to find some loose papers, including a french reading paper that she scanned quickly, translating at the same time. Nothing in particular stuck out to her, until she got to the line marked 45.

C'est la guerre.

C'est la guerre.

_"C'est dommage," a much-younger looking Toby said, smiling at Spencer. This was the Toby that she remembered, at least looks wise. His hair was much longer than it is now, still covering his eyes slightly and his face was not as aged as it was now, although Spencer was sure that his worry lines were a recent addition to his older face, due to the stress of Spencer's condition._

_"C'est la guerre" she replied, laughing along with Toby. They were sitting on the front porch of the house he grew up in, the sun bright despite the fact that it was mid-October. There was a silence in the air, but it wasn't an awkward silence like Spencer would have expected._

_"I'm sorry, for what I said about you and what I thought." She took the chance to notice just how blue Toby's eyes were, brighter than ever and almost shining with hope. He turned away from her after a second, wanting to remain looking into her eyes, but scared he would creep her out just as she was starting to be nice and civil towards him._

"Spencer, are you okay? What's wrong?" Toby snapped her out of her thoughts, his eyes full of concern.

"I'm fine, I just remembered something." Spencer's voice was soft, still unable to believe that she was really starting to have flashes of memories already.

"What do you mean? What did you see?" Spencer had forgotten that her mom was even in the room, but her voice alerted her to the fact that she was still there, along with her dad.

"I saw Toby and I sitting on his porch the first time I went to tutor him in french, it was really short but it must be good. Especially because it started so soon after the accident." Spencer shared a smile with Toby as he nodded, his eyes lighting up at the thought of getting his wife back.


	5. Chapter 5

Deciding not to go into too much detail about Spencer's slight memory relapse, not wanting to get their hopes up along with Spencer's, they quickly moved into the bedroom that she and Toby usually shared.

The walls were covered from top to bottom in a light purple paint, matching the duvet lying on the perfectly made bed and the carpet that dusted the floors. The furniture in here - a wardrobe, 2 sets of chest of drawers and a bedside table on each side of the king size bed - all matched the rest of the house still, made by Toby's hands.

The bed.

Spencer couldn't help but think about everything she and her husband had no doubt done in that very bed. On those very sheets. Probably in countless different positions. The things that Spencer strangely wanted to be doing at that moment, without her parents there obviously.

She had never been the kind of girl who was desperate to lose her virginity, she wasn't bothered either way. She had to admit that she had been tempted when Wren had invited her into his motel room but she had made the sensible decision to decline, not wanting to hurt her sister more than she already had once she undoubtedly found out.

Hanna and Alison had always talked about it._ Sex. _They seemed pretty desperate to do it, but Spencer had always slightly excluded herself from that conversation, scared that her friends would find it strange that she didn't particularly care about it. She especially didn't want to do it just for the sake of it, because all of her friends had and because it would help her reputation.

She had always wanted it to be special, as cheesy as that sounded to her. She wanted it to be with the right person, someone who would be gentle and soft, not someone who would take advantage of her. She could tell that she most likely lost her virginity to Toby, although she was unsure of the details about when and where, as the last thing she remembered was dating Alex Santiago and she had been nowhere near ready in that relationship. She assumed that she had had sex with Toby for her first time, there wasn't really anyone else that came to mind that seemed good enough for her.

Spencer was led into the en-suite bathroom next, although there wasn't much for her to see, nothing out of the ordinary for any other bathroom that Spencer had seen in her life.

After seeing every room upstairs, Toby carried her back down the stairs, situating her in the living room as she had requested. She was able to rest her leg on the cushion while her parents and husband settled themselves elsewhere.

The silence crept in, no one really knowing what to say on the matter of Spencer's memories or anything else.

"What's for dinner?" Spencer asked, breaking through the barrier of silence. Her stomach growled lightly, used to the regular meals the hospital provided her with.

"I was just going to order some takeout, I hope you don't mind. I thought we could order some chinese food," Toby answered. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" he asked, gesturing towards Spencer's parents.

"We told Melissa that we would go around to her house for dinner, but we could stay if you wanted Spencer. Do you want that?" Peter's voice was very patronizing and Spencer was beginning to get slightly annoyed. She wasn't a child, even where her last memory was she was a 16 year old girl, not a 6 year old.

"Oh no, it's fine! Enjoy your night with Melissa and the kids," Spencer said, lifting herself up slightly in order to give her parents a hug goodbye. She still wasn't used to the attention her parents were giving her now, remembering them being quite distant when she was a teenager, always away on some sort of trip without Spencer, whether it was for business or pleasure. She knew that there was an extra nine years in which her parents had the chance to grow closer to her, but she didn't know whether they had fully grasped this opportunity until they nearly lost her.

And then there were two.

Spencer remained on the sofa as Toby saw her parents out of the front door. He sat on the other side of the sofa, facing towards her as he sat down.

"I thought maybe you might want to invite your friends over." Spencer was surprised by this, thinking that Toby would have wanted to spend some time alone with her.

"I think I just want to stay in and have a quiet night, I'm exhausted," Spencer replied, her stomach growling again to remind her of her hunger.

"So what do you want to eat then?" They both laughed, and Toby made a move to retrieve the menu from the drawer in the kitchen.

"Sounds good, I think I'll have sweet and sour chicken. Did you really think I would need a menu?" Spencer rolled her eyes at the fact that Toby thought she would really need to think about what she wanted to eat.

After Toby ordered their food, they had a wait of about 20 minutes before it was delivered, Toby not wanting to leave Spencer alone in this big house on her first day back in it.

"Toby?" Spencer broke the silence that had been clinging to the air since Toby hung up the phone.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned for the brunette in front of him.

"The stuff you said before, about our… b-baby. Did we give him a name?" Spencer took in the sad look on Toby's face at the question and instantly regretted her question.

"His name was Matthew. Matthew Peter Cavanaugh. We decided on the first name together and the middle name was your choice, but I agreed right away." Toby attempted to paint a smile on his face, but his eyes betrayed him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"Spencer, you never have to be sorry about anything you say to me okay?" Spencer nodded lightly, struggling due to the fact that Toby was holding her face in his hands softly, forcing her to stare into his eyes, conversing with her without saying a word.

It felt just like old times to Toby.

She felt herself leaning towards him before she could stop herself. Their lips touched softly, Toby's hands still on her face, before a knock at the door interrupted them.

Spencer pulled away quickly, ready to issue an apology before remembering what Toby had just said about apologizing.

He got up to answer the door, surprised when Hanna and Caleb walked in.

"We thought you might like some company. And I thought I'd introduce you to Caleb." Hanna waltzed in, pushing past Toby on her way in and sitting on the sofa next to Spencer. "Spencer this is my husband Caleb Rivers. Wow, that was extremely strange. I'm still not used to calling him my husband, especially not to my best friend."

"Well I suppose I should say it's nice to meet you, Caleb, even though apparently we've met many times before," Spencer said, shaking the hand of the man in front of her. He wasn't how she pictured Hanna's husband at all. His hair was short, but very dark, and she had always pictured Hanna with a blonde and she wasn't sure why. The clothes he was wearing were very obviously not Hanna's choice, the checked shirt not matching his khaki pants and the tatty jacket definitely not to Spencer's taste.

"We've actually just ordered takeout and it'll be here any second," Toby announced, obviously hinting not so slyly that their guests should leave.

"Well I'm sure there'll be enough to share. Spencer never eats all of hers anyway," Hanna replied, ignoring the almost desperate tone of Toby's voice.

Just then, the door went again and both Toby and Spencer prayed it was the food, not able to take any more visitors while still trying to get their current ones to take the hint and leave.

They were both extremely lucky.

"Han, there's no way this will be enough for four people!" Spencer said while unpacking the food and placing it on the coffee table in front of her as she took the back off of Toby. She attempted to get up to get some cutlery for her and Toby, which Toby ended up volunteering to do himself, in the hope that it might make Hanna and Caleb leave.

Surprisingly, it worked.

"We should go then, obviously we're not wanted here." Hanna feigned anger in her voice, but was unable to keep it up for too long around her best friend.

"I'm sorry Han, I'm really tired and i just want to go to bed early and I know that if you stay I may never be able to get you to leave," Spencer laughed, knowing that Hanna would smile along with her.

"Well bye then!" Hanna pressed a light kiss to Spencer's head from the back of the sofa Spencer was located on. "Enjoy your night, even if you do just spend it in bed." Spencer's cheeks rose rapidly in temperature as Hanna winked at her, a cheeky, smug smile on her face.

Hanna and Caleb were both still laughing as they went out the door.

"I thought they'd never leave!" Spencer said as the door shut behind them and Toby just laughed.

"Neither of them have ever been good at taking hints."

Spencer scoffed down her food quickly, remembering just how much she missed good, tasty food after almost a week eating bland, tasteless hospital food.

"It's not a race, you know. You can take your time if you want, I'm not going to steal any, don't worry," Toby teased, having never seen Spencer eat quite like that even after nearly nine years together.

Her only reply was telling him to shut up with a mouthful of food.

"Oh, how very attractive. Now I know just why I married you, not everyone can pull off the mouthful of sweet and sour chicken look but you, my dear, definitely can." Spencer almost choked on her food, as laughter erupted from her chest, laughing more than she remembered doing in a long time. Toby joined in, stopping himself from eating until he could stop himself, which turned out to be more of a challenge than he had thought.

Once the laughter died down, Toby couldn't help stealing glances at his wife, who still had a large smile painted on her face. He felt like things were back to normal, used to making her laugh and smile on a regular basis, rather than making her scared and awkward. This was his favorite side of Spencer, the carefree woman that he married, not held down by stress or anything else and not letting anything stop her.

He could still see bits of her peeking through, particularly with the determination he had seen for the last week and when he sneaked into one of her physical therapy sessions, where he saw the determination on her face as she used her crutches for the first time, succeeding right away like he guessed she would.

They both finished eating after not even 10 minutes, Spencer finishing before Toby and sneaking a mouthful off his plate, unable to resist when it was right next to her on the sofa. Although she felt the same way about Toby.

Spencer muffled a yawn to try and hide her exhaustion from Toby, not really wanting to go to bed just yet, wanting to stay up and watch TV or just talk. She had felt so tired and run down all day, but now she felt more alive and awake than ever.

"Do you want to go to bed?" Spencer held in a gasp at the thoughts in her head as Toby uttered those words, thoughts full of Toby in bed next to her (or on top of her, or below her, she wasn't really too bothered at that point.)

As much as she wanted that, she knew it couldn't happen, not yet anyway. And she couldn't just run around kissing him, not that she was in a fit state to be doing any running right now with a broken leg. She couldn't get his hopes up if she was still unsure whether they were going to be together or not. But after the last few days they had spent together, even the last few hours, she could feel herself growing closer to him and every second she was away from him she just wanted to have him back, to have him close.

Her decision may be harder than she thought, having to distinguish between her head, her heart and her hormones.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna go to bed. I'm exhausted, it's been a long day." Toby picked up her crutches and held them up for her, helping her stand up as well. "I moved some of your clothes down here, but you have so many that they didn't actually fit."

"Where are my pajamas?" Spencer asked, searching through the top drawers as she was unable to get to the bottom drawers.

"You, um, you don't have any. Well, you do, but they're in the laundry, I took your only three pairs to the hospital for you." Toby was nervous and Spencer wasn't sure why, but she was confused all over again.

"What do I usually sleep in then?" Spencer was curious, especially to find out why Toby was nervously twiddling his thumbs in between running his hands through his hair, This particular action distracted Spencer slightly, wishing she could replace his hands with hers, wanting to know what it would feel like to twirl her fingers through his thick locks.

She shook her head to rid herself of these thoughts, not wanting to arouse suspicion from Toby.

"You usually steal one of my shirts to sleep in. It's sort of a habit that you started before we were even together." Toby smiled at this memory.

"Well do you mind if I borrow a shirt just now?"

"Of course not, I'll run up and get you one." Toby did just as he said, returning a second later with a pile of clothes in hand.

The light blue shirt he was holding was obviously well worn, and Spencer could tell that it was a different color from what it had originally been, faded slightly from all the use. As Toby held it up in front of her, along with a pair of checked pajama bottoms, she noticed that it had a white anchor in the top corner.

"Top or bottom?" Toby asked, holding up both pieces of clothing.

Spencer felt her face drop, and a horrified expression painted itself on her face.

"I'm just kidding," he teased, handing her the top half and Spencer laughed awkwardly as he did so.

She attempted to remove her clothes once Toby had turned around to face the door, but her crutches got in the way and she struggled to undress herself, used to the support she had been given by the nurses in the hospital.

Toby turned around quickly when he saw one of her crutches fall next to his feet and heard her groan as she fell over.

"Spence, are you okay?" he shouted, rushing to her side.

"I'm fine, I just lost my balance. C-could you help me?" She hated having to ask it, but she knew that there was no way she was going to be able to do it on her own.

Spencer's face went bright red as Toby's hands brushed her sides lightly on the way to the bottom of the shirt she was wearing. He pulled it up over her head, keeping a tight grip of her bare waist to make sure that she didn't fall again. Spencer had forgotten until now that she wasn't wearing a bra. Toby was ever the gentleman, keeping his eyes upwards but avoiding Spencer's eyes as he knew how embarrassed she would be.

He took his shirt from her hands and pulled it over her head quickly, before reaching down to pull down the yoga pants he had taken to the hospital for her. He was forced to crouch down to help her remove them, navigating them around her cast. Spencer couldn't help but think about what it would be like if Toby was doing this for another reason, removing her clothes while kneeling in front of her and she had to grip the chest of drawers even tighter for a reason other than her leg injury.

He stood in front of her then, his face slightly red from embarrassment but not as bad as Spencer's currently was.

Spencer hobbled into bed, placing the covers over her body as she lay down. Toby began to make his way out the door before he heard Spencer call his name.

"Would you mind staying in here tonight?" Spencer requested innocently, patting the empty space next to her lightly.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I know it sounds stupid but I just feel like I need protection." Spencer looked away from Toby, scared that she'd said too much. Maybe it was more than he wanted.

"Spencer, that's not stupid at all. You were in a horrible car accident, it's completely normal to not feel safe, especially because you had the excess trauma of losing your memory. You were safe in the hospital and you're safe here, I would never let anything happen to you." Toby's hands stroked her cheeks lightly as he climbed into bed next to her.

"Thank you," she whispered as he turned out the light next to the bed. "Good night."

"Good night Spencer." he whispered as he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, unable to believe where he was and who he was with, considering a week ago he never thought he would see Spencer alive ever again, let alone share a bed with her.


	6. Chapter 6

_The sound of something hitting the floor filled Spencer's ears and then all of a sudden she was running. Fast. _

_She slammed open the closest door, running through it, knowing she was being chased but not sure who by. She made for the stairs, taking them two at a time in order to get away from the mysterious person who was so close behind that she could hear their heavy footsteps in their wake._

_She took out her phone, dialing a number that was so familiar to her. The screen flashed with the words 'Calling Emily', the only light in the darkness that surrounded her. She couldn't even see the light at the end of the tunnel that everyone spoke about, she could only more stairs and even more darkness._

_Finally, after what felt like hours, she found herself at the top of whatever she was climbing, afraid to look down. Height had always terrified Spencer and now she was unsure of how high she really was and she really didn't want to know._

_She noticed a door next to her and shook it, trying to force it to open despite the very obvious padlock on it._

_She moved onto another door and yanked it open easily, but let out a blood-curdling scream as she saw who was on the other side._

_Ian Thomas._

_Ian Thomas was standing in front of her. Ian Thomas had been chasing her. Ian Thomas was still chasing her. Ian Thomas had his hands over her mouth. Ian Thomas was touching her, pushing her until she hit the ground._

_"You never meant to hurt Alison. It was an accident. You pushed her and she fell, didn't she?" Ian teased her viciously, shouting in her face._

_"Is that how it happened?" Spencer didn't know it had come out of her mouth but she could tell it was her voice. He forced her back up again, grabbing at her jacket as he pushed her towards the edge of whatever they were standing on._

_"She just hit her head and she never woke up." Ian's voice was so calm, like he hadn't just revealed far too much. He was talking about Alison and she felt like she was finally going to know what happened to her after over a year of theories._

_"Alison died of suffocation," she screamed back in his face, attempting to push him back with all her strength but she knew that it was never going to work._

_He easily shoved her backwards, towards the edge, and Spencer could already feel herself sinking into the darkness._

_"The letter that I wrote on your computer won't answer all the questions, but it'll answer enough. The guilt was just too much for you." He kicked the wood behind her, still holding her clothes to hold her back, prolonging her pain and suffering._

_"Please, if you love my sister you won't do this." Spencer was begging now, pleading with this man who was holding her life in his hands with the ability to end it all in a millisecond. _

_"I'm doing this for her! Because I love her!"_

_Spencer's feet slipped and she fell, clinging onto anything for dear life. She grabbed for Ian as he begged her to let go of him._

_"What are you doing here?" She could hear Ian's voice but she had no idea who the question was directed at._

_She glanced upwards quickly to see a glimpse of a black hoodie, before her eyes fell downwards as whoever was in the hoodie pushed Ian, causing him to fall right past her, into the abyss, screaming as he met his fate._

_She was able to pull herself back up as quickly as possible, still scared that Ian might hurt her, even after what had just happened._

_She was forced to look down now, staring down into the darkness. Even through this darkness she could see a bell hanging down, pronounced even in the pitch black. She could see Ian hanging from it, held up by various ropes that encased his body. _

_Then suddenly she wasn't in the bell tower anymore, she was in the woods somewhere, in front of an abandoned cabin._

_She heard another scream, this time one of hurt rather than one of pain._

_She followed the noise of the crying into the building, followed by Hanna, Aria and Emily, only to find Melissa sobbing in Wren's arms. She peeked over at the corner of the room to see Ian's dead body, covered in blood, a gun in his hand._

_Next, she was running through the forest, still unsure of where she was headed. A scream of the name Mona came out of her lips from somewhere way out of her control._

_She tried to stop running and turn around, move somewhere else instead of going deeper into the unfamiliar forest. Her feet were moving of their own accord, locked on their target._

_A noise ahead of her caught her attention and a flash of wispy black hair as it moved in another direction, one that she was now travelling in. _

_"Mona!" The only thing that made Spencer sure it even came out of her mouth was the differing movement of her chest, as the voice was completely different from the usual light raspy tone that she knew, replaced by a deeper, more pained voice that told her that she'd been crying for a while, though she was still unsure as to what was really happening._

_As she turned around a corner, she stopped running, seeing smoke in front of her. She moved much slower now, afraid of what she might see. her footsteps dragged along the forest floor as her eyes adjusted to what they saw._

_There was someone lying on the ground in front of her, a motorbike helmet obstructing Spencer's view of their face. From the body shape, she could tell that it was a man in front of her and as her eyes traveled down from his head she could see a puddle of blood which was also stuck to his hand. Then she saw it._

_The tattoo._

_The tattoo that could only belong to one person. It read '901 Free At Last' and Spencer would recognize it anywhere. Toby was lying seriously injured in front of her, yet she couldn't make herself do anything to help him._

_"He's dead!" came a torturous voice from behind her, a voice that she knew belonged to Mona._

She let out a scream of Toby's name as her eyes opened wide, jolting into a sitting position in bed, drenched in a cold sweat that consumed her entire body. The covers around her were choking her, making her feel trapped somewhere she was meant to feel safe. The cast on her leg weighed her down, making sure she had lost the ability to move, to run from this terror she was facing.

An arm enclosed around her shoulders and Spencer screamed again, swatting away the hand without even looking to see who it belonged to.

"Spencer, what's wrong? Spencer listen to me!" Toby's hands shook her lightly, but hard enough to drag her away from the nightmare in front of her.

Her only response was to cry. And cry. And cry.

She moved herself against Toby's chest as he lay on his back, his shirt acting as a tissue to soak in her tears. He soothed her with his words, telling her "It'll be okay, you'll be okay" and "You're safe, no one can hurt you".

"I-I saw Ian. H-he was chasing me and then someone pushed him, I was so scared. I remember being so scared!" Spencer was shouting in between her sobs and Toby's hands were running up and down her arms in a comforting way.

"Ian's gone now, he can't hurt you anymore."

"But he wasn't dead, not yet. I saw him later on in some cabin with a gun in his hand."

"A set that up, as well as a letter from Ian admitting he killed Alison, which obviously wasn't true." Toby kissed Spencer's hair despite the nagging voice in his head telling him not to, telling him it was too soon.

"A saved my life, why did they do that? I don't understand!" Spencer's sobs had died down now, but they were still there slightly in her voice.

"I guess they just wanted to save you for themselves. They couldn't torture you if they were dead but they could frame you for hurting him. No one believed you when you said he was dead, because A stole his body." The idea shocked Spencer. A had killed Ian just to hurt Spencer, just to make her seem like she was crazy, just to put a rift between her and her family.

"What kind of sick person does that?"

"Everything A did was sick, they were all wrong in the head!" Toby answered, despite realizing that it was a rhetorical question.

"Will you just hold me for the rest of the night?" Spencer requested as she read the digits on the alarm clock that told her it was 3:45 in the morning.

"As you wish," he said, bringing her even closer to him as he held her, scared it could be for the last time.

They fell asleep in that position, Spencer lying across Toby, her hands on his chest while his arms wrapped around her body, holding her as close to him as possible.

Spencer was always an early riser, never able to stay in bed for longer than a few minutes after she woke up, unless Toby was distracting her. Toby usually woke up not long after her, hating being away from her and not having her in his arms. At the weekend Spencer would have breakfast prepared for him and bring it to him in bed and Toby was always _very_ grateful for this, finding his own way to thank her.

Today was an exception, as Toby woke up before Spencer, possibly for the first time in nine years. He watched her sleep, careful not to jostle her and cause her to wake up. He moved a stray strand of hair from her eyes softly, and her breath hitched slightly but then returned to it's normal pace.

Although Spencer always woke up first, she also almost always fell asleep first and Toby's favorite part of his day was once Spencer was asleep and he could watch her as she fell into her slumber. She always looked so peaceful, even when she was under ridiculous amounts of stress.

The only time he had hated watching her sleep was when she was in hospital, terrified that he would lose her. Every second he spent with her he would urge her to wake with promises of kisses and cuddles and presents and even babies.

Her eyelashes fluttered lightly, alerting Toby that she was waking up and making him look away, not wanting to embarrass her and make her feel awkward.

She looked up at him, surprised that she was still cuddled into him, all the memories of last night rushing back.

"Good morning," Toby cooed, kissing her forehead lightly.

"Good morning."

"I'm sorry about last night. I don't even know what happened but it was awful. Was it real?" Spencer knew that Toby had told her not to apologize but she couldn't help it after her meltdown the night before.

"It sounds like it, from what you told me. Did you see anything else?" Toby's voice was soft, his arms still wrapped around her tightly. "Unless you don't want to talk about it. I won't force you into anything."

"I-I was running through the forest and I couldn't stop myself moving, I just kept running and I didn't know where I was going. I kept screaming Mona's name and then I found a b-body. It had your tattoo, but I couldn't see your face. And then Mona screamed that you were dead and I couldn't do anything to help you."

"Do you remember when I told you that we broke up for about six weeks after a misunderstanding?"

"Yes, why?" Spencer was still confused, she didn't understand how that could've happened. What would make her think that Toby was really dead and why would the A Team want to hurt her that much?

"Well Mona set it up so it would look like she had killed me and I didn't know anything about it until later, or else I would've stopped it. A runner found you in the forest and the park ranger called the hospital because you had spent the whole night out there in the cold. You said you couldn't remember anything so they,um, they took you to Radley."

"I was in a mental asylum?" Spencer asked, shocked. "For how long?" She couldn't believe that it actually happened, strong, smart, independent Spencer Hastings had a breakdown and was taken into a mental institution.

"You were in there for about 2 weeks, but they found out who you were after not long. You were Jane Doe for a while." Toby was scared he had revealed too much, but with Spencer leaning on his chest and finally able to look him in the eye he couldn't stop himself.

"What exactly was the misunderstanding that made us break up?" The curious nature that Spencer had been gifted with as a child let itself be known again.

"It's not really important just now." Toby's voice was extremely nervous, although he tried not to let it show, not wanting to alarm Spencer and make her even more curious about the details of their break up. He wanted to keep that a secret for a little while longer. He had already betrayed her once and he couldn't go through that again, seeing the pain on her face as she found out.

Spencer tried not to let her disappointment show - she wanted to know everything about her life and she couldn't do that if her husband wasn't going to tell her.

Before Spencer had a chance to respond, her stomach rumbled loudly, to which Toby laughed.

"Your hunger always gets in the way," he teased. "I'll make some breakfast, is bacon and egg okay?"

"Sounds good," she replied as she moved off of him, letting him get up.

"Toby?"

"Hmm?" he said, turning around from his spot at the door.

"Thank you for being here. Not just for last night, but for everything you've done for me, even the things I don't remember."

"Well you're very welcome, it was no trouble." He left the room with a large smile on his face, confident that she was already beginning to fall in love with him, even quicker than the first time.


	7. Chapter 7

After breakfast came Spencer's first challenge of the day: a shower.

Her hair felt greasy and her whole body felt unclean, not having anything other than a few sponge baths for two weeks can do that to someone.

"How am I supposed to shower with this thing?" Spencer blurted out, pointing out her cast as Toby looked at her questioningly.

"I put a chair in there if you wanted. And I could… I could help you." Toby was as red as Spencer at that suggestion, but they both knew that it was the best and easiest option.

"That's probably the best option, but do you, um, do you have a bathing suit that you could wear? I'm just not sure I want that to be the first time I, you know, see you naked. Oh god I must sound like such an idiot right now, such a virgin!"

"Spencer, in your mind you are a virgin, even if that ship sailed a long time ago. And yes I do have a bathing suit which I will more than happily wear, unless you would prefer I wear a full wetsuit?" Toby was teasing her yet again, lightly taking advantage of the fact that she couldn't remember things like losing her virginity or even seeing Toby shirtless.

"The bathing suit is fine, I wouldn't mind seeing you shirtless, especially after everything Hanna's told me about your six pack. She seems pretty fond of it but I'm yet to see." Spencer may not remember her relationship, but she certainly remembered how to flirt and she was doing a good job of it at that moment, making Toby blink at her relentlessly.

"I would say that I would race you but I'm not sure you could run even if you tried!"

He took the opportunity to carry her into the bathroom next door, as if he was taking her to the bedroom on their wedding night.

"Toby, put me down!" she squealed, giggling.

"As you wish," he said before placing her on the chair in the middle of the shower with her foot up on the edge of the bath, still clothed in only his shirt. He turned the water on, making sure it was to turn hotter but not before it went freezing cold on Spencer's body, causing her to scream at him.

"I'm going to kill you, Toby Cavanaugh!" She took this opportunity to remove the drenched shirt over her head, and threw it in Toby's direction. he was too distracted, as he couldn't help but stare at her before eventually looking away out of courtesy. "Well are you coming in or not, it's nice and warm now!"

He went back into the bedroom quickly before coming back in some brightly colored swim trunks and a shirt.

"I may have been forced into the shower with a t-shirt on but you don't have to do the same. I won't feel offended." Spencer's eyelashes fluttered at him as she looked up.

He removed his shirt slowly on purpose, dragging it out as he tortured Spencer. Eventually it was fully removed and Spencer's mouth dropped to the floor once she saw what was underneath it.

Hanna was right about the impressive six pack and Spencer suspected it would look even better once she was free of water in her eyes and they were in better light. She closed her mouth quickly, trying to drag her eyes away from his impressive physique, which took more concentration than she had. She was only able to remove her eyes from it once he moved into the shower behind her.

His hands massaged shampoo gently into her hair, rinsing it out for her by bringing the shower head down to her level so he could do a good job of it. He handed her the soap so she could wash her own body, or the parts of it that she could reach at least.

Once they were finished and he had shampooed his own hair, he helped her out of the shower and helped her to dry any parts of her body that she couldn't reach, which turned out to be more awkward than either of them expected when she was unable to reach down her back properly or downwards from there.

"I have to go to work in a bit for a meeting with my boss, but I was going to call your friends and see if they wanted to come around, if you want that?" Toby said after situating her on her new spot on the couch after he had helped her get dressed in a simple white lace dress with a black cardigan and belt.

Spencer's parents had given them some money to tide them over, which would keep them going for a few months with Spencer off, but they couldn't afford Toby to be off work for too long as well, so he was forced to go in to discuss his imminent return to work the next week.

"I don't need a babysitter you know, but seeing the girls does sound good. Thanks."

A knock on the door around 15 minutes later alerted them that Aria, Emily and Hanna had arrived and Toby could leave.

He kissed her forehead before heading out the door, which the girls saw but decided not to say anything about.

Aria made them all some coffee as Spencer explained her dreams from the previous night.

"So you remembered being in the bell tower with Ian?" Aria asked.

"I had a dream, or nightmare, about it. Then we were outside some cabin and we found his body." The girls could tell that there was something else she wasn't telling them, knowing her so well after over 10 years of friendship.

"Was there anything else?" Emily spoke up from the chair where she had been sitting in relatively quietly since they had arrived 10 minutes before.

"I-I was in the forest and I was running and running and I couldn't stop. But then I saw a body and it had Toby's tattoo and I could hear Mona telling me he was dead and I was so scared. I couldn't help him, there was nothing I could do!" Spencer leaned into Aria's shoulder as she started crying, using the scarf wrapped loosely around her neck as a tissue to soak in her tears.

She wasn't even sure why she was crying, she thought it was out of her system after last night but apparently not. Despite the fact that to her memories she had been with Toby for a week, she felt like she wanted to protect him, wanted him to be safe and her nightmare showed her that she had no say in whether this happened or not.

"Spencer, it wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault," Aria kept saying, as Hanna and Emily moved over to pat and rub different parts of Spencer's body; Emily rubbed her back soothingly while Hanna did it on her head, alternating between soft pats and kisses.

Eventually her sobs settled down and she was left with just soft tears running down her cheeks uncontrollably.

"Did Toby tell you anything else about what happened?"

"He said that we broke up after a misunderstanding but he wouldn't say what that was, and he said that afterwards I was admitted to Radley for 2 weeks. I hated that I couldn't save him and I would've done anything just to help him," Spencer rambled on quickly, but her friends were used to this stressed version of Spencer.

Any time near any exam or even a simple test, Spencer would get so nervous, despite the natural intelligence she was gifted with, that she would barely be able to speak and when she did it would come out as a ramble. Ali had always hated it and told her to stop but the other girls understood, especially with Spencer's family and an older sister like Melissa to match up to.

Today was different, as complete with crying the rambling was even harder to distinguish between and understand.

"Spence, calm down. There's no hurry to tell us everything and there's certainly no hurry to remember anything. You're incredibly lucky to have survived that accident, as Hanna so politely blurted out last week, and Toby will support you no matter what. It's great that you're remembering things so quickly, but you can't get stressed because things aren't going your way. Let's face it Spence, you can't get your way when you're fighting a mental illness." Emily's voice was supportive but also assertive, showing that she knew just how to comfort Spencer.

"I know that, I just want to at least remember parts of my life with Toby! I hate that he has all of these memories and I have one lousy memory of us studying together, which I only have like a minute of. I hate feeling so helpless and I hate missing out on this relationship that I can already tell from the last week has been amazing! I hate that I have this fear that he's going to leave me once he realizes that he loves me so much more than I could ever love him!" Spencer was almost shouting now, not at anyone in particular but just to whoever was listening.

"I have an idea!" Hanna jumped out of her seat at that moment, heading towards the cabinet of dvds under the television. "Why am I not surprised that all your dvds are alphabetized? Oh for the love of God, I'm avoiding the one marked 'Spencer and Toby wedding night'!" she remarked, coming out with one marked 'Spencer and Toby wedding day'.

"Hanna don't be so dirty, it's probably just the reception. Do you really think Spencer and Toby are the kind of people who would film themselves having sex? You and Caleb maybe, but not Spencer and Toby." Aria's hand swatted Hanna's arm lightly to stop her from going any further.

"Who knows what they get up to behind closed doors! Or got up to at least. Maybe we have some secret nymphomaniacs on our hands!" Spencer's face was brighter than it had ever been, a deep shade of crimson that made it all the way up to her ears and the back of her neck.

"Can you all just please shut up and stop talking about my sex life? I really don't want to hear about this right now! Will you just put in the dvd Han?"

The first thing that appeared on screen was a picture of Spencer and Toby on their wedding day and then the video started.

_Toby stood at the altar in a traditional black tuxedo, looking even more gorgeous than Spencer had seen, not even when she saw him shirtless earlier that day. He looked nervous, like he was scared that Spencer wasn't going to turn up, like she was going to jilt him at the altar. Who would actually do that to Toby?_

_Not Spencer anyway, not even this new Spencer._

_The camera panned around to the familiar doors of the church, which Aria, Emily, Hanna and Melissa were walking through, wearing dark purple floor length gowns that Spencer could tell she had picked out herself, considering she'd been planning her dream wedding since she could remember. _

_They were followed by Spencer on her dad's arm. She was wearing the beautiful dress she had seen in the picture Toby showed her at the hospital. The photograph didn't do it nearly enough justice, much more gorgeous when she could see the elegance with which she moved in it and the way it clung to every curve of her body perfectly. She had never seen herself look so good._

_The smiles on both of their faces as they stood opposite each other at the altar were unlike anything Spencer had seen before. Toby's eyes were glowing ridiculously and she felt like she had never seen anyone loo so happy before._

_Their vows were the traditional vows that had been spoken by generations before them and her hands were shaking as she placed the ring on Toby's wedding finger, resulting in Toby needing to assist her in her quest. _

_Their first kiss as a married couple was what really took Spencer's breath away._

_Although it was a soft, gentle kiss, there was so much passion in it. His hands cupped her face as hers found his hair. They stayed like that for a few more seconds before a cough caused them to break apart slowly, still holding each other as they turned to their friends and family with gigantic smiles on their glowing faces._

_"Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs Spencer Cavanaugh," Toby announced, to a roar of applause from everyone in the room as they made their way back down the aisle and out the door, where a crowd awaited them, ready to shower them with confetti. _

By now, Spencer had tears in her eyes again, but this time they were ones of happiness instead of pain and heartbreak.

"Now do you understand that there is no way in hell that man is giving up on you? He loves you more than anything and he's not letting you go without a fight." Hanna wanted to check that she'd got her point across and she obviously had.

"Yes. And that's the thing: I don't want to give up on him." Spencer's voice was full of hope, something that her friends hadn't heard since she woke up.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I want to be with him. I know it sounds stupid, but even in this last week I feel like I could be falling in love with him and I don't know what I would do without him."


	8. Chapter 8

"I have to go, I told Jason I'd make dinner for his parents tonight. I'm sorry, but I can come back tomorrow if you want?" Aria broke the silence that had been clinging to the room since Spencer's shock announcement that she was falling on love with Toby.

It felt like the first time that had happened: Spencer had been reluctant to tell them at first, nervous about what they would think of her complete change of heart about Toby. But once she revealed the truth, neglecting the fact that they had spent the night together in a motel room at first, her friends were nothing but supportive, even offering to be used as excuses when she wanted to spend time with him.

They all knew how hard it would've been when her parents found out about her dating Toby Cavanaugh, the boy who was accused of murder and sentenced to house arrest.

This was different though, as Spencer didn't have to hide it any more, not from her parents anyway. She may want to refrain from telling Toby right away but that was more to do with the fact that she didn't want to fill him with hope before she was sure they could make it work.

"That's fine Aria, you don't have to apologize for having a life! But tomorrow sounds good." Spencer hugged her tiny friend in a goodbye gesture as she moved out the door.

"We should get going too," Emily said as she pulled Hanna off the sofa.

"Could you do me a favor before you go?" Spencer requested, nervous all of a sudden.

"Of course, what do you need?" Hanna was anxious to help in anyway she could, but didn't really know how to most of the time.

"Could you put in that other dvd you found?"

"Oooh, Spencer wants to watch her sex tape. Kinky." Spencer blushed, especially as Hanna mumbled "nymphomaniac" under her breath teasingly.

"Oh just shut up and get out!" she shouted as Hanna blew her a kiss goodbye on her way out, laughing. Emily followed soon behind, shooting Spencer an apologetic look.

She pressed play on the remote and a very different image was the first to appear on screen.

_Instead of Toby standing at the altar, it was of a bed in a seemingly empty hotel room. The bed was scattered with rose petals and of bottle of champagne, complete with 2 glasses, sat on the bedside table._

_A few seconds later, the bed was no longer empty, as Spencer saw herself half sitting and half lying on it, wearing nothing but some black lace underwear._

Hanna was right, this really was a sex tape.

Spencer Hastings made a sex tape.

Spencer Hastings made a sex tape with Toby Cavanaugh.

Spencer Cavanaugh made a sex tape with her husband Toby.

Never in her wildest dreams did she ever expect those words to be true.

_Toby soon joined her, dressed only in a pair of black boxers. He straddled her hips, joining their lips together in a kiss so full of passion that Spencer almost felt the need to pause it._

She wasn't even sure why she was watching it. If she had any sense she would stop the tape and put it away, pretending that it never happened. But she couldn't bring herself to do that. Not while Toby was shirtless and lying on top of her on a bed on a giant screen in front of her.

_She couldn't stop herself from drooling as Toby ground his hips against hers, his hands in her hair as hers found the small of his back and the waistband of his boxers. She tugged them down quickly, getting them out of the way as soon as possible, wanting nothing more than her husband inside of her at that second._

Toby's bare ass was on show on the rather large screen for her to admire and she couldn't take her eyes off it. How was it fair that he had the most amazing six pack she had ever seen as well as the most gorgeous backside she'd laid eyes on, not that there had been many?

_"In a hurry are we, Mrs Cavanaugh?" He refused to reconnect their lips, instead moving to tug on her earlobe lightly as she moaned underneath him. His back was tensed, every muscle and vein contracted to show off the hours he'd spent in the gym._

_"I need you inside of me Toby, right now!" she growled, forcing his hands to the back of her underwear, which he undid swiftly, before throwing the bra away somewhere into oblivion. _

Spencer's mouth was agape at the brashness of this version of her on screen, she could never imagine telling a guy that she needed him inside her.

Just then, the front door opened and Spencer jumped, grabbing for the remote and pressing every button she possibly could. Unfortunately, while reaching for the stop button, she turned the volume up and also skipped scene.

She looked up, horrified to see that on the screen at that moment was a very naked Spencer straddling a very naked Toby as she rode him, their lips touching desperately as he moved inside of her.

"Spencer, where did you find this?" Toby's voice was full of shock, going up at least a full octave.

"Hanna found it and I wanted to know what it was. I definitely wasn't expecting that!" she said, finally able to switch the screen off entirely.

"How did I just know it would be Hanna that was responsible? Wait, she didn't see any of it did she?"

"No of course not! I put it on once they left, but believe me she would probably have been less shocked than me. I can't believe I actually made a sex tape!" Spencer's blush was yet again spread all over her body. But Toby had never seen her this embarrassed, not even the first time they made out, or the first time he accidentally grazed her breast during a make out session, or even the first time they had sex.

"Spencer, I know it might seem like it to you but it's not a big deal. We're not the first people to make a sex tape and we certainly won't be the last." Toby's words were doing nothing to comfort Spencer and he knew already that they were useless.

He had to remind himself yet again that while Spencer was anything but a virgin in his mind, in her mind she was and when they first started dating she had always got so embarrassed at any talk of sex.

"But the Spencer Hastings I know, or think I know, would never do something as sleazy as making a sex tape. I just don't understand."

"First of all, it was technically Spencer Cavanaugh who made the tape. And second of all, you have nine years that you don't remember, do you really think you wouldn't have changed at all in that time?"

"I guess not, it's just so strange to think that I changed quite so much." Spencer very obviously wanted to change the subject but she wasn't sure how to start the conversation she wanted, and needed, to have with Toby.

He sat down on the couch next to her, but not close enough to touch her, even accidentally.

"Can I ask you something?" She finally broke the silence, although she lost her train of thought and couldn't actually remember what she was going to ask.

"Of course, you can ask me anything."

"W-when did I have sex for the first time?" Her voice was shaky, timid and she couldn't believe that she had actually just asked that question.

"You mean did you lose your virginity to me?" Spencer nodded softly. "In that case, yes you did lose your virginity to me. It was about eleven months after our first kiss, because we wanted to wait and make it special." Toby grinned at the memory of his first time with Spencer, remembering every little detail about the afternoon, every touch, every kiss, every gasp, every moan.

"But that wasn't your first time?" She knew that something had happened between him and Jenna but she was unsure of how far it had actually gone.

"No it wasn't technically but I wish it was. In my mind I always pretend it was, your first time shouldn't actually count if it wasn't consensual." Toby's eyes filled up with tears before he swatted them away, not quickly enough to stop Spencer seeing them.

She slid across the sofa slightly towards him, reaching out to wrap her arms around him. He responded instantly, putting everything he had into such a simple thing. He clung to her, surprised that his teenage memories were bringing so much emotion upon him.

She held him in her vice like grip, not willing to let the crying man go. Her hands were running up and down his back in an attempt to rid him of the memories she had forced back into the forefront of his mind, ones that he thought he had got rid of years ago.

But Spencer didn't realize that that wasn't the only thing that Toby was crying about. He hadn't truly let himself cry since her accident, scared that if he started he wouldn't be able to stop.

"I-I-I thought I was going to-to lose you, I was so scared! I couldn't l-live without y-you!" He said between sobs, as Spencer continued to rock him.

His crying died down over time, and he pulled away from Spencer slightly, still in her arms, but he was now able to look her in the eye.

"I'm sorry about that, I just haven't let myself cry in a long time and it all came up at once." Spencer reached up to cup his cheeks in her hands, forcing him to look her in the eye.

After a few seconds in that position she leaned forward, connecting their lips in a kiss that was so full of passion, everything that Toby had been missing for the last two weeks.

Her tongue moved against his as they battled, Toby eventually giving in and letting Spencer take control. His hands found her waist, gripping it tightly, scared she would be taken away from him.

She pushed him back onto the cushions, moving to hover over him, as awkward as that was when she could barely move her leg in the stupid cast that was encasing it. She straddled his waist, a leg on either side as her lips traveled down to his neck, making her mark on his skin.

Her moans and pants of breathlessness distracted him from the voice in the back of his mind telling him that this was wrong, he couldn't take advantage of her like this.

He finally convinced himself to move away from her softly when her hands made tracks down his chest on the way to his belt, prepared to undo it and get it out of the equation.

"Spencer, we can't do this just now." He was completely out of breath as he placed his hands on her arms, ready to lift her off of him.

"Why not? I want you so bad Toby, I need you!" She reconnected their lips in a desperate attempt to convince him to continue, to get rid of any doubts and just kiss her like she knew he wanted to.

"I can't take advantage of you Spence, you're vulnerable right now and if I had sex with you then I would feel awful afterwards because I know that you're not ready. I remember how you were the first time and I know how long it took you to be ready. If you're sure you want to be with me, I'm more than willing to wait. I'm not going to push you into anything." The fact that Toby was being so sweet about everything made Spencer feel slightly better.

Yes she had just been rejected, but it was for a good reason and Toby was being nice about it, despite the fact that Spencer wished the ground would swallow her whole.

"I'm sorry, I just got so caught up in the moment. I kept thinking about how amazing it felt to kiss you and how I never wanted to stop." her voice was shaky, still nervous and embarrassed.

"You should know that I would never stop you from kissing me, well except this once," he teased her.

"Well then," she whispered as she leaned in again to catch his lips in hers softly. They both smiled into it, not rushing to go any further.

"I have a request," Toby stated, smiling from ear to ear.

"Should I be scared?" Spencer laughed as she returned Toby's broad smile.

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"


	9. Chapter 9

"You know that's my shirt right?" Toby asked as he walked into the downstairs bedroom to see Spencer ready for bed, wearing one of his old shirts, one that he'd forgotten he even had.

It was the shirt he had left at her house after their first time, the shirt she stole when he forced her to say a reluctant goodbye before he went back to work. They had both wanted nothing more than to lie in bed for the rest of the day, Spencer's parents were away so the only obstacle was the voice in Toby's head reminding him he had to go back to work.

"Of course I know, why do you think I'm wearing it?" Spencer winked at him before crawling into bed, making sure to reveal even more of her skin as she did so.

"You're just torturing me!" he stated, taking out his pajamas from the drawer and making his way into the adjoining bathroom.

"I don't even need to try, I have you wrapped around my finger already," she shouted, loud enough for him to hear through the door of the bathroom and she could hear him chuckle from her place in bed.

"I could say the same about you. All I have to do is take my shirt off and you're all over me, doing whatever I say." He exited the bathroom swiftly, moving straight towards the bed, not wanting to be away from Spencer when she was in such a good, teasing mood. "And at least I can resist you, whereas you can't seem to keep your hands off of me."

"Ha, you wish! Like you would actually be able to keep your hands off of me if I was naked right now!"

"Well that's a test that I would love to take, but you know I can't. Not yet." Toby looked her in the eyes and she could see the sympathy he was feeling but also the desperation to hold her, to kiss her, to _touch_ her.

"I know, but you can't blame a girl for trying!"

"We should get to sleep, I have a big date planned for us tomorrow so I want you well rested. I'll pick you up at 5." Toby couldn't help but smile at the idea of going on a date with Spencer. They hadn't done it in a long time, even before her accident they were both so busy that every time they had free time together it was spent relaxing around the house, or in bed.

"I'm intrigued," she said, cuddling into his side as a yawn escaped her mouth.

"Good night."

"Good night Toby."

* * *

Spencer couldn't ever remember feeling this nervous before. She wasn't even sure what she was panicking about. It was just a date.

Just a date.

Just a date with her husband who she couldn't even remember and who had stopped her mid make-out session the day before and helped her in the shower and gave her his shirts to sleep in.

Why did it have to be so soon, when she was still weighed down by her cast and still using crutches?

She couldn't find anything in her closet that would go with the cast so she settled for hiding it slightly under a short blue dress that she had to admit she looked great in. Her next problem was shoes: one foot was in plaster so what was she supposed to do with the other one?

She found a pair of flat black shoes in the closet that would have to do, as much as she wanted to look perfect she had to be comfortable as well.

She applied minimal make up, not wanting to look too overdone by going for the tangerine look she had seen on countless girls. Her hair was curled to perfection, but still looked natural enough that she didn't over do it.

She hobbled to the door to answer the door as she heard the doorbell, distracted from her grooming routine.

"Toby? What are you doing? Why did you ring the bell when this is your house?"

"Well Spencer I'm here to pick you up for our date like I said I would." He made it seem like Spencer was crazy. Why shouldn't he pick her up?

"You are crazy!" Spencer exclaimed, reaching for her bag and crutches before following Toby out of the house and towards the car at the end of the driveway.

They drove for around 15 minutes before pulling up outside a small restaurant, decorated with lights and a large French flag.

"You really have a thing for all things French don't you?" she teased, smiling as he opened her door for her, assisting her in getting out of the car and into the restaurant.

They were seated immediately at a table away from everyone else. A lone candle was settled in the center of the round table, creating an enchanting glow around Spencer, who looked even more angelic to Toby than usual.

He couldn't take his eyes off her as she stared at the menu, not detecting his sudden intense fascination with her.

"Je pense que je vais avoir le coq au vin, et vous?" Spencer's french was still flawless despite the fact that she had lost nine years of continuation of her studies.

"I would speak french but I wouldn't want to show you up. I'll have the pot au feu," he said in an attempted french accent that came out as an American accent with a slight french twang.

The waitress took their order, before returning seconds later with a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

"Well someone's certainly trying to impress. Champagne? Way to show off on a first date!" They both laughed lightly as Toby poured them a glass each.

"Hey, french is what started us the first time, so I wanted to at least have a bit of that here."

"Well I love it, especially considering the first and only memory I have of our relationship was me tutoring you in french. It's so sweet," she whispered, leaning in to kiss his cheek lightly, causing his cheeks to go bright red.

Just as she made a move to hold his hand, the waitress brought their food over, the smell filling Spencer's nostrils.

"Mmm that smells magnifique," she said, with a wink towards Toby.

Silence crept round to them as they tucked into their food, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one. It didn't matter that they weren't saying anything to each other, they didn't feel the need to fill the silence with meaningless talk, especially not while the most delicious food Spencer had ever tasted was sitting in front of her, calling her name teasingly.

"C'était délicieux," Toby exclaimed after swallowing the last mouthful from his plate.

"That's an improvement on your last attempt, at least."

"I'm stuffed, but I really want some mille feuille," she said, patting her stomach dramatically.

"Why don't we share some then?"

"Sounds good," she replied, gesturing to the waitress again and putting in their request.

"So Spencer, what is it that you do?" Toby asked, a serious look on his face. When she looked at him with her eyes wide in confusion he groaned. "Oh come on, it's our first date so you have to answer some crappy questions! Play along and stop being a spoil sport."

"Well in that case, I'm a model."

"Ooh, intriguing. You certainly have the face for it and the legs! What kind of model are you?" Spencer flushed lightly, as Toby ran his hand up and down her bare leg, holding in a shiver each time it moved higher.

"Actually I'm an underwear model. And I'm wearing one of our newest collections right now, underneath this thin layer of material." She was working as hard as Toby to get a reaction and it was clearly working, as he cleared his throat at Spencer's words, crossing his legs to hide his slight excitement.

"Your dessert," the waitress said as she placed the plate down in between them, not realizing what she had interrupted.

"Merci beaucoup!" Spencer said as Toby started eating the dessert without her.

They finished the dessert in record time, considering the fact that they had just finished a more than generous portion for their main course.

Toby paid the bill, despite Spencer's idea that they split it. Toby just couldn't stop himself from being a gentleman.

"Could you lock the door behind you, Spence?" Toby asked as they got home, but Spencer was too distracted to hear.

_She was leaning against the door of her parents house as Toby leaned into her, his mouth on hers as he kissed her. The winter wind was blowing against them, but it wasn't enough to distract her from the man in front of her and the lips against hers._

_His hands were against her back, rubbing back and forth as she moaned into his mouth. Her hands pulled his hair lightly, loving the feeling of it slipping between her fingers._

_"Lock the door," he told her, pointing his finger in her face in a warning sign._

_"Yes sir!" she replied, laughing at him as he left, breathless, sated. _

_She closed the door behind him, making sure to lock it just as he'd told her, a huge smile on her face._

"Spencer? What's wrong?" he asked, snapping her out of her daydream, a worried expression on his face.

"Nothing's wrong, I just remembered something." She smiled at the memory because, as short as it was, it was still a step towards getting her memories back of her life with Toby.

"What was it? What did you see?"

"It was really short but we were at the door of my parents house saying goodnight and you told me to lock my door, just like you did just now. I guess that's what triggered it." Toby put his arms around her waist tightly. "But I'm really tired so can we just go to bed?"

"Of course, do you really think I would say no to going to bed with you?" he teased, still holding her waist in order to lead her to their bedroom.

"Oh but Toby wait! I forgot something, it is the end of our first date after all." That was the last thing she said before she pressed her lips against his, taking his bottom lip between hers and biting down lightly.

She pulled away, laughing at the dumbstruck expression on his face as she did so. Once he snapped out of it, he led her to the bedroom as she'd asked.

* * *

She woke up in the morning feeling content and happy, before noticing that her arms were wrapped around something that they definitely weren't when she had fallen asleep. Toby.

She was lying on her side behind him, one arm trapped underneath his body and the other rested on his chest lightly, feeling his steady heartbeat underneath her palm, sounding even worse compared to her racing heart. She inhaled the scent of him, enchanted by the musty odor. His breathing was soft, indicating that he was still asleep and now was her chance to move without him noticing.

While attempting to disentangle her limbs from their capture under him, Toby stirred, his eyes opening softly and his head turning towards Spencer.

"Spencer, what the hell are you doing?" he asked, dumbfounded at what she was trying to do.

"I woke up and my hand was trapped under you, and you're too heavy for me to move!" Toby couldn't help but laugh at the exasperated tone of his wife's voice and the matching expression on her face.

He decided to let his captive go, picking himself up so that she was able to retrieve her arm, wiggling it around slightly in order to regain the feeling in it.

"That's much better," she sighed before kissing his cheek and getting up out of bed.

"I have a physical therapy session at 11, so would you mind helping me in the shower again?"

"Of course, but do you mind if I come with you? I want to see for myself just how much progress you're making."

"That would be good, you know how much I love having an audience," she laughed.

"I'll make breakfast first though. What do you fancy?"

"Oatmeal?" She'd never been one to sit down and eat a big breakfast, more often than not settling for a cereal bar and an extremely large cup of black coffee to wake her up.

"I will never understand how someone can enjoy a bowl of oatmeal on its own. It's so plain! I'll be back in a second." He looked disgusted at the thought of it, but came back with it anyway. They sat in silence while she ate her oatmeal and he ate his bowl of lucky charms, not before Spencer mocked him for eating a child's cereal and asking him teasingly if he made sure to collect his prize.

"Do you want my help or not?"

"I'm sorry, Toby. You're just so easy to wind up, I can't help myself!"

"You're not the only one who can't help their self," he announced before pouncing on her, attacking her lips with his again, slipping his tongue inside her mouth. She moaned as he pressed his hips down against hers, unable to stop herself from grinding up towards him in return.

He stopped it almost as quickly as he'd started it, surprising himself almost as much as he had surprised Spencer.

"You'll give into me some time, and I will definitely be ready when you do," she revealed, making sure he knew exactly what she was talking about.


	10. Chapter 10

Three weeks and five dates later, Spencer and Toby were better than ever, as far as Spencer was concerned anyway. Spencer's memories had been few and far between, the only thing long enough to mention being their whole night in the motel room before their first kiss, stopping before the kiss itself, and she had begun to understand some of the things he had said in the last few weeks that had made him smile for no obvious reason.

She also remembered some time spent with Aria that involved a lot of giggling and talk of parents, grandparents and a very familiar shaving incident.

Another memory was one involving her helping Toby when he moved out of his parents house and into his own loft. They had made a deal beforehand that he would do the heavy lifting and the main decorating while she would do the finishing touches, the little things that made his house into a home. He didn't admit to her at the time that the main reason it felt like a home was the familiar smell of Spencer that clung to her and everything she touched, the smell he loved more than any other. Before he had finished unpacking he got very restless and the only thing Spencer could do was to kiss him, so she happily obliged and they spent the next hour making out in his large king size bed, taking advantage of the newly discovered privacy.

Spencer was meant to be going out for coffee with Aria that morning and she had left the house dressed up and raring to go, only to return just fie minutes later after receiving a text from Aria informing her that she had to cancel due to terrible morning sickness.

The house was quiet when she entered, except the slow beat of music coming from the downstairs bedroom, her bedroom as of just now.

She moved towards the bedroom, making the decision to return to the slumber that she had awoken from an hour before.

As she opened the door, she began to hear a voice very different from Stevie Wonder singing Superstition, the noise coming from the ensuite bathroom, from which she could also hear the shower running.

She stripped herself of the dress she had spent the night before choosing before wrapping the duvet over her underwear clad body, not even caring about the hair and makeup that she had perfected before leaving the house. Toby's smooth tone was almost enough to send her back to sleep, but then the water was turned off, though the singing continued as she heard him drying himself off.

He danced his way into the bedroom, a towel wrapped not so securely around his slender waist, looking like it could fall at any minute.

And that's exactly what it did, just as Spencer was about to warn Toby of her presence. The blue towel fell to the floor, revealing more of Toby than Spencer expected to see for a while.

Although his back was to her, she had a magnificent view of his backside, squealing lightly as her eyes took in what was before them.

Toby jumped around, ready to defend himself from whatever lay behind him. His hands rushed down to cover his modesty, but not before Spencer got an even better view than before, one of Toby in all his glory.

And it was certainly very glorious.

"Spencer! What are you doing here?" His voice was higher than she had ever heard, as he scrambled to wrap the towel around his waist again.

"Aria had to cancel, so I just decided to go back to bed. I certainly wasn't expecting that!" she said, once her jaw had returned to it's normal position from it's previous place on the floor. "Not that I'm complaining."

Toby's face flushed completely and he couldn't think of any words to say.

_"Toby, I brought you some coffee from downstairs as a thank you for letting me study here," Spencer shouted as she walked into his loft. "Are you still here?"_

_She made her way towards his bedroom, thinking that he might have still been asleep. She opened the door slightly, walking inside before stopping dead in the doorway._

_Toby was still deep in his slumber, undisturbed by her shouts for him. While there was a duvet on the bed, it was wrapped around his bare ankles, and as Spencer's eyes travelled up Toby's body she realized that his ankles definitely weren't the only things he had left uncovered._

_The only thing he was wearing was the smile on his face indicating that he was in the middle of an extremely pleasant dream. _

_Nothing could have prepared Spencer for what was to happen next, as Toby moaned her name in a tone she had heard countless times before, reaching his hand down towards his crotch, where Spencer couldn't pull her eyes away from. _

_She forced herself to snap out of it, to stop objectifying her boyfriend and she called his name louder this time, loud enough that it made him jump. She discovered at that point that when big Toby jumped not-so-little Toby jumped slightly as well and she had to stifle a giggle._

_He was shocked to see her standing in the doorway, rushing to cover himself up. The duvet he was reaching for was tangled up around his ankles, making it extremely difficult for him to achieve his desperate goal to maintain his dignity, obviously still remembering the dream he was in the middle of. _

_"Spencer? What are you doing here?" he screeched, finally able to cover himself up, not that it was much use now as the damage was already done. _

_"I thought you would be awake by now. I did tell you I was coming over at 10 to take up your offer of studying here. I am so sorry!" She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, afraid to see the embarrassment he was most likely feeling at that moment. _

_"I forgot about that, I'm so sorry. It's the first time I've had a day day off living here and the chance of a lie in._

_"There's no need to apologize, Toby. This is your own loft, you can do what you want. I won't stop you," she said, leaning down to give him a brief kiss, careful not to move the cover at all._

_"I was thinking that because I saw you naked, it's only fair that you see me. I know I said I wasn't ready to have sex, and I'm still not, but that definitely doesn't mean that there's nothing we can do." She winked at him, moving his hands to the buttons on her blouse, which he began to undo before stopping._

_"Are you sure you want to do this?" His voice was soft as he cupped her face, his eyes searing hers for any doubt, but when she nodded her head he started unbuttoning her top again._

"Spencer? Are you okay?" Toby's fingers snapped in her face, pulling her out of her daydream. She was slightly disappointed to see that he had put some clothes on, though his abs were still uncovered.

"I'm fine, it was just another memory. I was in your loft watching you sleep," she said, ducking her head to hide her flushed cheeks.

He didn't seem to understand that she didn't want to elaborate as he asked her to do just that.

"I walked into your loft and started shouting for you but you didn't answer. I walked into your bedroom and you were still asleep, but then I woke you up."

"Oh, was that the time you perved on me while I was naked and unconscious?" he teased, sitting next to her on the bed.

"I did not perv on you and even if I did you couldn't say anything about it. I see you every morning staring at me when you help me in the shower. Your eyes and hands are out of control!" She hit her hand lightly against his arm as his hands grabbed her waist, emphasising her point.

"When I woke up your eyes were glued to my crotch, like they just were."

"I was a young girl seeing the … male anatomy for the first time," she squealed, burying her face in the nearest pillow. "Both times!"

"I know, and I understand. I am pretty irresistible." He could hear her muffled laugher escaping from behind the cushion. "And I seem to remember you being very grateful about seeing that anatomy, you should know that that as the first time you ever-"

"Can we just stop talking about this now?" she interrupted, placing her hand over his mouth.

"That's disgusting!" she squealed as he licked her palm, moving her hand away before he could do it again.

His hands moved to her waist again, only this time they didn't grip it, they began to tickle at the skin there, moving to gain access to her bare stomach. He pushed her back onto the bed, straddling her as he tickled her. She squirmed underneath him, unable to escape his grip on her. He was relentless in his torture, even reaching behind him to get access to her feet as well, which he knew was the most ticklish spot on her body.

"Stop, Toby, stop!" She knew it was useless but she had to do something, anything to stop him. She was completely out of breath, panting in his face.

Eventually he stopped, but not before Spencer summoned up the energy to hit him on the back. Hard.

She leaned up, capturing his lips in hers and shoving her tongue into his mouth. Spencer could feel the groan he let out vibrate through his chest and against hers.

Her hands ran up and down his bare chest and reached down to his belt, undoing it and throwing it away. She managed to push his pants down, leaving him in only his boxers.

Toby's hands slid to her back, undoing her bra strap before throwing it into oblivion. He left kisses all over her chest and she couldn't help but let out a deep moan at his actions.

She couldn't believe that she was actually managing this. She was in bed with Toby, who was straddling her lap and kissing her, as she lay in nothing but her underwear, her bra already discarded and him in nothing but his boxers.

As she started thinking about how unbelievable it was, it was suddenly taken away from her in a flash as Toby left her embrace, sitting up on the bed.

"I'm sorry, I got a bit carried away." His sentence was short, due to his lack of breath making sure he couldn't say much more.

Spencer composed herself, smoothing her hair down after the attack from his hands and trying to hide her disappointment from her husband.

"I was thinking that I could have a bath before our date tonight. Could you run it for me?" She desperately tried to change the conversation so that he wouldn't mention what had just happened.

"Of course, just wait there and I'll be back in a second."

He came back just as he said, helping her into the bathroom and into the bath, taking care to look away, no matter how much he wanted join her and escape from everything and just give into her demands.

She was currently lying in the bath in front of him, completely naked, and it was all he could do to resist her.

"Why don't you come in? The water feels amazing, but I bet it would feel even better with you in here too." Before her accident she wouldn't have needed to ask him twice to join her, but he knew it wasn't the right thing to do, not just yet anyway. With an offer like that he wasn't sure how he was able to decline, but he managed to gather the courage somehow.

"Spencer, I can't. You know I can't, I'm sorry." He looked down briefly, but it was long enough to catch a glimpse of her lying suggestively, ready to pull him in at any second.

"Well if you won't join me I'll just have to make my own fun." Her hand took a swan dive downwards, surprising an unprepared Toby as he struggled to remove his eyes from the view.

He exited the bathroom swiftly to avoid the temptation lying before him, severely disappointing Spencer.

"You'd better be planning the world's best date to make up for this Toby Cavanaugh, or so help me God I will kill you!"


	11. Chapter 11

"Are you ready for our big dinner then?" Toby asked as he walked into the house after a long shift at work.

"I am indeed."

"I'll be back in like 5 minutes," he said while running into the bedroom to get changed, not even bothering to look at the outfit Spencer had spent over half an hour deciding on.

She made sure that he wouldn't miss it when he came back, determined to make his breath hitch,even just for a second.

That's exactly what he did when he caught sight of her in the short red dress that clung to her body perfectly, cut low enough that her cleavage was on display,especially as she leaned over to pull the dress down lightly, though still not enough to hide the miles of legs that Toby had always loved.

His eyes travelled up her body slowly, taking in every curve and crevice of her slim frame. His mouth was agape slightly and he let out a breathless "wow".

"Are you ready?" she asked, turning towards the door so that he had an amazing view of her backside the dress making it look even better than usual.

"Y-y-yeah," he stuttered, his breath still caught in his throat. The temptation he had felt the day before in the bedroom and in the bath was creeping back into his brain. He shook his head free of any such thoughts.

"You do realize that we're going for dinner with your parents, right? And you're wearing that. I mean as much as I love it, which is probably too much considering all I'll be thinking about is ripping it off of you, is it really what you want to wear to your parents' house?"

"Why do you think I'm wearing it? Maybe I want to make you squirm." Spencer winked at him, as she went out the door, careful to sway her hips as much as possible with crutches (quite a struggle).

The walk to her parents' house should have taken no more than 5 minutes under usual circumstances, but Spencer had forgotten to factor her crutches and broken leg into the equation so the walk took almost 15 minutes.

They arrived at her parents' before Melissa, who arrived with her own little family in tow shortly after.

Her dad's mouth was slightly agape as he took in the sight of his daughter in the figure hugging dress adorning her body but her mom didn't seem too bothered, used to the fact that she hadn't had to tell her youngest daughter off for almost eight years, besides the odd comment on any dinner parties that Spencer had invited her to.

Lily and Harry bounced into the house as lively as ever, jumping on "Uncle Toby" the minute they walked in. He stood up from his place on the sofa, a child under each arm as they both squealed and giggled, attempting to remove themselves from his firm grip. He took turns throwing each of them up in the air and catching them, as all the adults looked on, laughing, namely Spencer, who couldn't help but admire his interactions with their niece and nephew.

This was the first time Spencer had been back to this house since her accident, but everything was just as she remembered it. She excused herself from drinks before dinner, choosing to head upstairs instead.

She struggled with the stairs at first, but made it up eventually, thanks to help from Toby.

She walked towards the second door on the right, her bedroom for her adolescence and the last one in her memories of the life that was actually familiar to her.

Her bedroom was almost exactly how she remembered it; the wallpaper was the same, as was the bed, the desk and every other bit of furniture. The only things missing were the little things that made it homely, like her pictures and her books, which were now in the living room of the house she shared with her husband.

The red leather chair that she had always loved was still situated in the corner of the room facing the window. It had always been her favorite place in the world, a sanctuary from the craziness of the outside world, a place where she could get completely wrapped up in a book and not be bothered by anyone else.

She sat down on it, leaning backwards to make herself comfortable. She closed her eyes lightly.

_She was lying across Toby's lap as he read a book next to her. One arm was around her shoulder, playing with her hair and twirling it between his fingers loosely. She rubbed her eyes, having clearly just woken up after being alerted that she had a new message. Reluctantly removing herself from Toby's embrace, squeezing his hand as she passed. She read the message, noting that Melissa wanted her to pick her up fro the church for some reason._

_"It's from Melissa. Ian never showed up at the church, she needs a ride."_

_"I'll keep Jenna busy like you asked me to. But I wish I was going with you tonight." Spencer could see the sympathy in his eyes, and although she was unsure as to what she was planning on doing that night, she just wanted to hug him and let him join her._

_"You're helping me by finding out if she's a part of this or not." Spencer stared deep into his eyes, communicating even more through just a few looks._

_"Look, I've never had a safe place to land, but now I feel like I do. So I want you to stay safe." She could feel the smile that greeted her face at her words and Toby's eyes lit up._

_"If you need anything tonight, I'll be there for you." His voice was so genuine that she had absolutely no problem believing what he was saying._

_"I love knowing that," she said, before reaching up to join their lips together in a soft yet passionate kiss. _

"I always loved that chair," Toby said as he walked into the room. "I have a lot of_ memories _of us in it."

Spencer blushed once she realized what he meant.

"Dinner's ready, so I thought I should probably help you own the stairs."

"It smells amazing mom," Spencer announced as she sat herself down at the dining room table in between Lily and Toby.

Toby spent the majority of dinner feeding Harry, who refused to let anyone but Toby touch his food, not that Toby minded, ecstatic at the chance to bond with the little boy.

Lily seemed to love her Aunt Spencer, smiling brightly up at her every time Spencer looked her way and squeezing her hand every time she put her cutlery down.

"Who wants dessert?" Peter asked, as he cleared everyone's plates from the table.

"I would love some dessert, dad. What about you Toby?" He nodded, making sure not to alert his in-laws of his discomfort and certainly not the reasons behind it. Hidden underneath the table, Spencer's hand was pressed against his leg, sliding up further every time he tried to move it way.

Soon her hand was pressed roughly against his crotch, and he had to refrain from moaning. His shoulders tensed as she did so, and her hand returned to running up and down his leg and squeezing, a little bit harder than before.

"Are you okay Toby? You look like there's something wrong," Melissa said, concern evident in her voice.

"I'm fine," he replied, but he coughed when Spencer's hand began to move higher again, forcing himself not to groan at the contact.

"Spencer, stop," he muttered under his breath, knowing that Spencer could hear him.

"You really want me to stop? Because it doesn't feel like it," she whispered, gesturing down to his groin which signalled that he was feeling much more excited than he was letting on. "If you really want me to stop, then you'll have to return the favour when we get home."

"If that's what it takes then yes, I will." He tried not to let anyone else at the table know what they were talking about, but it was getting harder and harder, in more ways than one.

"Do you promise?"

"Yes I promise, so please just sop because I don't know how much longer I can stop myself from just carrying you upstairs and having my way with you." This stopped her in her tracks, and she finally gave up her torture, instead turning to Lily.

"So Lily, how's kindergarten? I bet you are so smart, just like your mommy." Lily beamed up at her, and Spencer was taken back to many times during her childhood when Melissa would have the same smile on her face as she came in from school with yet another A on a test, or yet another award, or even yet another compliment from a teacher, a fellow student or even someone she had never met before.

"It's great, my teacher told mommy and daddy that I'm the smartest in my class!"

"Well that's fantastic. You know, you remind me so much of your mommy when she was younger. You look just like her, you even have her beautiful eyes, but you have your daddy's nose as are so pretty, and your brother is so handsome, are you sure we're related?" she joked, though the little girl wasn't impressed.

"Of course we're related, don't be silly Aunt Spencer. You're my favorite aunt! And I'm your favorite niece." She was dead set on proving to Spencer that she was wrong, not understanding that she was kidding, and Spencer and the rest of the adults had to hold in a laugh.

"You're my only niece, silly Lily! And what about your Aunt Aria?"

"I love Aunt Aria but you buy me more things and prettier clothes so I love you more! I love you Aunt Spencer and I've missed you!" Lily shouted before launching herself at Spencer and sitting in her lap cuddling into her.

Spencer kissed the top of Lily's head as her parents brought in the apple pie for dessert.

Her niece remained on her lap for the rest of the night, only moving when they all left, though very reluctantly. She looked set to refuse to let go of her aunt and was unwilling to leave.

Harry was equally as attached to Toby, still not allowing anyone but him to touch his food.

Spencer shut the front door behind herself and Toby as they walked into their house and Toby spun her around, pushing her against the door.

He connected their lips in a fiery kiss as he pushed her further against the door, his hands gripping her waist as he moved even closer to her. After initial scepticism, Spencer reacted, finally giving in fully to the kiss as she remembered Toby's promise from earlier that night.

"Bedroom?" Toby asked, panting.

"God yes!" she replied, allowing Toby to pick her up and carry her to the bedroom.

He laid her down on the bed and she pulled him down on top of her, reconnecting their lips. She removed his shirt, throwing it onto the floor somewhere but neither of them really cared. Her hands slid down his chest, following every line and crevice of his abdominals, feeling his shallow breath beneath her palm.

"You should never be allowed to wear a shirt. Your body is a thing of beauty, but at least I'm the only one who gets to enjoy and appreciate it," she said, as she took a breath.

He was finally given the opportunity to remove the dress that had been taunting him for hours, and he couldn't help but gawk when he saw the lacy red underwear that Spencer was wearing under it. She reached to take off his pants, leaving them both in nothing but their underwear.

He removed her bra achingly slowly, teasingly to reveal her bare chest, which he moved his lips to. She moaned underneath him as his lips travelled to her neck, where they were sure to leave a mark.

"Are you finally going to give in Mr Cavanaugh? I knew you couldn't resist me."

"We're not going to have sex Spencer, I haven't changed my mind about that." Her face dropped as he looked at her, her eyes filled with disappointment. "But that doesn't mean that there's nothing that we can do."

Spencer wasn't given a chance to respond as he moved back up to her lips and began grinding his hips into hers, enough to make her moan into his mouth.

He repeated this action multiple times while alternating kisses between her lips, her neck and her chest. Hi hand reached into her underwear, pressing against her, somewhere no one else had touched, as far as she was concerned. This, combined with his kisses and the thrusting of his hips against her, made her hit her high sooner than usual, almost embarrassingly quickly if it wasn't Toby she was with. She couldn't get embarrassed about these things with him anymore, especially not after what they had just done.

Spencer could feel that Toby was still hard against her, so she pulled off his boxers and helped relieve him of his ache. She kept kissing him and he panted against her mouth as he came, smiling brightly at her.

"Wow," was all he could say.

He pulled her into his arms as they fell asleep, both feeling happier than they had in weeks.


	12. Chapter 12

"Spencer? Sweetie, I need to go to work but I wanted to at least say 'good morning' before I left." Toby's voice woke her from her deep slumber and Spencer had to admit that she loved his voice being the first thing she heard in the morning and the last thing she heard at night, especially if it was anything like the previous night, when he panted and moaned her name uncontrollably while he came undone.

"You do realize you didn't actually properly say 'good morning' right?" she teased, leaning forward to kiss him lightly, making sure to rub her nose against his softly in an eskimo kiss as she moved away.

"Isn't it a little early for sarcasm? Even from you," he teased, eliciting a soft laugh from the woman who was still lying against his chest, wrapped in his tight embrace.

"Oh Toby, it's never too early for sarcasm. Especially not from me!"

"I have certainly learnt that after almost nine years." Spencer's lips began worshipping his chest, sucking a mark on his collarbone. "Did you not get enough of me last night? I knew you couldn't keep your hands off me," he teased.

"Well now that I know exactly what these hands can do I'm not sure I'll ever be able to have enough. I know a carpenter has to be good with his hands but they're good at so much more than that." Toby's breath caught in his throat, especially as Spencer's hands moved down to his crotch again, to repeat their actions from last night.

"You should know that this isn't why I woke you up. I definitely wasn't expecting this, not at seven thirty in the morning."

"I know, but why waste time when we're alone and I'm horny?" Even if she had wanted an answer she definitely wasn't going to get it once she had taken him in her hand. The quick, sure strokes showed much more confidence than the night before and Toby couldn't tell if it was because he was in a hurry or because she knew exactly what he needed.

It was over too quickly for Toby, but just in time for his normal leaving time for work, so it worked out perfectly.

"You should go, you'll be late for work otherwise!" she said, ushering for him to leave the comfort of their bed. He did so after yet another kiss, though he was extremely reluctant to leave, not wanting to leave his wife, especially if she was as horny as she had said.

"But what about you?" She knew exactly what he was talking about, even if he hadn't specified.

"I'm fine, I can take care of myself," she said, making sure he understood just what she meant.

All she had done was make him even more reluctant to leave.

"Go!" she shouted, pointing to the door, which he ran through after realizing the time.

She struggled to return to her sleep after it was disturbed and after fifteen minutes she had already had enough and was ready to get up. She didn't have the energy to get fully dressed, deciding to just wear one of Toby's shirts that she found in his drawer. She didn't have any plans for the day, except ones that involved Toby when he got home from work, hopefully in even less clothes than she was currently wearing.

In one of the drawers in the living room that she was snooping in she found a few French newspapers and books and she was surprised to discover that she was able to translate much more than she expected. She remembered something that her doctor had told her about sense memories, things that are ingrained into your brain that you just automatically know how to do. For most people it was the thing that they had done the most in their life, usually as part of their job. For Spencer this sense memory was of the French language, her favorite subject during her school life and the subject that she became a teacher in.

The only break she took from her reading was to get something for lunch, which ended up being a grilled cheese sandwich, the only thing she could be bothered making.

Deciding to spend some time back in the English language after spending the morning immersed in French, she turned on the TV to find nothing interesting but re-runs of Friends, which were apparently still on constantly even almost 20 years after it ended.

The jokes that she had heard hundreds of time before still made her chuckle but her early wake up call came back to haunt her as her eyes closed of their own accord, shutting out any distractions as she slept.

_She walked through the hall towards the kitchen, an unfamiliar key in her hand. She could hear the sound of someone rustling from the kitchen, but she couldn't see their face, only the hood of their black jumper._

_"Is this what you're looking for?" she asked, holding up the key higher._

_Spencer could feel tears in her eyes as she threw he key away somewhere unknown, waiting for the mysterious person to turn around. The noise of it hitting the ground was the only sound in the house, amplified by the silence._

_As the person in front of her turned around slowly, she was able to see their face. It was Toby._

_Toby was standing in her had broken into her house. Toby was wearing a black hoodie. Toby was A._

_He walked slowly towards her, not tearing his eyes away from a second. His eyes were darker than she had ever seen, full of anger rather than love or lust. _

_"Spencer," he whispered, his voice no longer soft, but deep and harsh. _

_The slap she awarded to his face reverberated through the room, the noise making Spencer wince as if she could feel Toby's pain. But in fact the only pain she could feel was the aching reminder that her boyfriend was a part of the group that had ruined her life._

_"How long have you known?"_

_She didn't give a reply, only holding up a card that looked like some sort of ID card. She could tell from his reaction that it meant something bad, it proved that he was A and that she had known for longer than he thought. _

_The silence crept up again, but then it was interrupted by a shout of her name from her mother, who was coming in the front door._

_As she turned around to check what was behind her, she gave Toby the opportunity to run out of the house, leaving nothing but an open door and a broken heart in the wake of his destruction._

_"Mommy," she cried, running into her mother's arms, two things she hadn't done for years. At that moment all Spencer could do to remotely comfort herself was to stay in her mom's embrace. Her mom was able to hold her together slightly, something she was completely unable to do on her own._

_Suddenly, she was in front of a door that she didn't recognize. She could hear music coming from the loft so she knew someone was inside, but she wasn't sure who it was she wanted so desperately._

_"I know you're in there." She could hear in her voice that she had been crying but she couldn't tell if it was from what she had previously seen in her kitchen or something else. She still didn't know if what she had seen was real._

_The key she held in her hand fit the lock perfectly but as she turned it and pushed the door, it refused to budge. _

_She could feel the sobs she was letting out throughout her entire body, not able to control them. She collapsed against the slightly ajar door, still crying._

_"Will you just tell me that what I saw tonight wasn't real? Please?" she begged, the tears flowing down her cheeks heavily. "Just tell me that there's more to the story. That there's something that I don't know."_

_She slid further down the door, sinking into it in the hope that maybe it might magically let her through._

_"Please, Toby. Please, tell me!" Her arms were wrapped tightly around her chest, in a failed attempt to hold herself together. The rest was a blur of her crying that seemed to last for hours. _

_Next, what started out as a normal, relaxing shower soon turned sinister as the temperature turned from relatively low to dangerously hot. Trying to get out of the large shower proved extremely difficult, as Spencer couldn't open the door, no matter how hard she pulled it._

_Through the steam she could see something blocking the handle, refraining her from leaving the hell on earth she was trapped in._

_"Melissa! Melissa!" she shouted, desperately trying to do something, anything to get herself out. _

_Rubbing clean a spot on the glass,she could read a message on the mirror, reading "Steamy with Wren, steamy with me -A". She stepped back quickly, like it would do some use, like it would remove the message from her mind. It only made things worse, as she moved right into one of the metal knobs, burning her already sweltering skin. _

_"Somebody please! Melissa can you hear me?" Her screams meant nothing as she still had no response from her sibling. _

_The heat continued to rise and Spencer began to feel herself drift out of consciousness._

She jumped up from her place on the couch, the shirt she had stolen from Toby clinging to her body, drenched in the sweat that was covering her entire body.

Her breathing was heavy, ragged, taking her back to the dream she had been in the middle of. It couldn't have been true. It just couldn't.

Toby wasn't A. He wouldn't do that to her and he definitely wouldn't have kept it a secret from her for the last few weeks, neither would her friends.

Or would they?

They had suspected Toby to be A before and to have killed Alison, and she hadn't actually been given any answers in the few weeks since she had woken up. When she woke up from her coma, she had still believed Toby was Alison's murderer and the only thing she had been told to stop her thinking this was the fact that they were married, but this wasn't enough proof. The Spencer that Toby knew was different from this new Spencer, maybe the old Spencer had forgiven him for everything and that's why she didn't know. But why was the only image in her head on of Toby in a black hoodie, a cold, merciless expression on his face.

Her quick nap on the couch had turned into a series of nightmares that she couldn't escape from.

"Spencer, are you okay? You look shaken up, you're scaring me." She hadn't even noticed that Toby had walked in the door, too caught up in her own thoughts and dreams to notice him. His hands massaged her shoulders in an attempt to relieve her from some of the stress he could see on her face, her frown lines very evident on her forehead.

She shrugged her shoulders to tell him to take his hands off but he didn't take the hint, instead sitting beside her on the couch and taking her hands in his.

"Don't touch me Toby, get your hands off me!" she screamed, wishing she didn't have the stupid cast on her leg that prevented her from running away from Toby, from this situation, from all the lies.

She settled for pushing him way from her, not looking at his face, knowing that his eyes would be full of disappointment and confusion.

"Spence, what's wrong? Baby, I'm really worried about you." His voice was full of concern but Spencer couldn't bring herself to care. This was the man who had lied to her for weeks, who had kept this huge game-changing thing from her, who had stalked her and ruined her life.

"Don't call me baby. I'm not your baby and you can't sweet talk yourself out of this!" She couldn't remember a time when she had felt this angry, shouted this loud or felt this heart broken.

"My way out of what? Spencer I have no idea what you're talking about!" He tried to soothe her again with his calming tone, but nothing could make a difference at that moment.

"I had another flashback. I know that you were A."


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm sorry that it's been a while since I updated and I don't know how often I'll be able to write more in the next three weeks as I have exams coming up (My first one is on Tuesday)**

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"What makes you say that?" he asked tentatively.

"I saw it." She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, not wanting him to see just how hurt and betrayed she was feeling, knowing her eyes would give it way.

"What exactly did you see?"

"You were in my kitchen in a black hoodie and you didn't say anything but I had something in my hand that must have proved it was true and then I slapped you. And I was in front of your door crying but you didn't answer me. Then I was locked in the shower and no one came to help me."

"Well maybe it's not real, you could've made it up in your head." He was glad she was unable to look at him, as he knew his expression was anything but relaxed, and even his voice was nervous and shaky.

"Don't do that Toby. You've already lied to me enough. None of my other memories have been fake so what's the difference with this one. Just tell me the truth, that might make this just slightly better!" Her voice was raised and Toby couldn't even remember a time when she had been this angry. Upset yes but not angry.

He didn't get the chance to talk to her and explain it the first time around so this gave him the opportunity to do that without having to wait weeks.

So why weren't the words forming in his head?

"Toby, will you please tell me the truth before I go crazy!" She was becoming more upset and distressed by the second and could feel tears forming in her eyes. "Were you A?"

"Y-yes, I was A." His answer was simple and Spencer knew it already, but she still took in a sharp breath.

"Why? How could you do that to me?" The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now, and she wasn't even trying to hide her hurt.

"There was someone known as Red Coat who was in charge. We discovered later that Ali was alive and was actually Red Coat. But before that I joined to stop them and to protect you. I wanted to find out about her and what they were doing to you. Everything we had was real."

"Am I really supposed to believe that story? It's a little too Hollywood for me. Do you really expect me to just forgive you because you say you did it to protect me? To just run into your arms and say that everything will be fine? Because you know what, it's not going to be fine." She was beyond angry now, she felt betrayed. She felt patronised, like a child whose parents had lied to 'protect' them which then backfired on them.

"Spencer you have to listen to me. You forgave me once, so obviously there was a valid reason, you just need to trust me. Please, Spencer." He was begging now and he could hear it in his voice, pleading with her to forgive him, whatever it took.

The last time had been awful, the waiting he had to do, the wondering whether she was alright and then the knowing that she wasn't. The silence he slept with each night instead of the echo of her heartbeat in sync with his or the quiet snores she let out when she was happy. The knowledge that she was in the midst of a breakdown but being unable to do anything about it.

He had been so tempted to visit her in Radley, to tell her that he was alive, that everything would be okay but he knew that visiting someone who thinks you're dead in a mental asylum isn't the best way to convince her and the doctors that she was sane.

He had to watch her as she went out for dinner with Wren, as she kissed him, not able to do anything to vent his feelings until he returned to whatever motel room he was in at that point, where he could use a pillow as a punching bag, or better yet pretend it was Mona, and a pacifier to silence his screams.

"How can I trust you Toby? How can I ever trust you again now that I know this?" The sobs she had been attempting to hold in erupted from her, her face streaming with tears and her breath shaky and out of control.

"All you need to know is that I love you more than anything in the world," Toby cried, again pleading with his wife and begging for forgiveness.

"Could you just leave, please? I don't want to look at you right now, it's making things worse."

He followed her wishes, leaving immediately with nothing but the clothes on his back and the phone in his pocket.

Spencer had no idea where he had gone but she couldn't bring herself to care. The pain she felt was worse than anything she had experienced before, worse even than the major headache as she woke up in the hospital after her accident when she had no idea what was going on around her.

The tears that spilled from her eyes were like nothing she had ever experienced, and she was completely unable to stop them on their course down her cheeks.

If she had been told when she woke up that she would be crying like this over losing Toby Cavanaugh she would have said they were crazy. But if someone had told her that he was A, she would've had absolutely no trouble believing them.

He was always the creepy kid that no one really liked, Spencer included. She had never liked him, scared by his loner nature and his strange fascination with cars, which was all he ever talked about.

When Alison had told her that he was looking in her window she believed her without another word. Toby had always creeped her out and she wasn't really sure why. He had this look about him, the way his hair acted as a mask to cover his eyes and his body language seemingly proving her correct.

But then these last few weeks, she had been given the chance to see behind that exterior, to see what Toby was really like, even if it was nine years later.

This opportunity was valid as she couldn't help but fall in love with him, especially after she was given the chance to really look into those crystal blue eyes that could communicate with her without words, that could tell a story without any sound, that could make her tell him anything.

Maybe it was just a ploy to get close to her.

But why would he stay so long after A had gone if he was just using her? No one is that good an actor, not to last nine years without Spencer knowing, even if she didn't remember it. Spencer was far too smart for that.

She knew what she had to do, she had to talk to her friends and find out exactly why they lied and exactly why she forgave him in the first place.

Her hands gripped her crutches tightly, the head rush she got from standing up obstructing her vision and making the room spin.

She didn't let this stop her, hobbling towards the door still, until something got in her way, resulting in her falling over, hitting her head on the coffee table next to her, leaving her unconscious and alone.

_Toby's hands moved to grab at her clothes from his place on top of her, reluctantly removing his mouth from hers to remove his t-shirt before reuniting their lips. _

_She couldn't see what clothes she was wearing but she felt hot, overwhelmingly hot and it wasn't all due to the fact that Toby's bare skin was against her, his lips on hers, his legs straddling her hips. _

_The walls around her were unfamiliar, and she wasn't even sure where she was. A bright neon sign could be seen through the window, but all she could see was the letter 'M' which she assumed was part of the word Motel._

_Why were she and Toby in a motel?_

_She knew this wasn't the first time they had spent the night in a motel together, she had remembered some parts of that night and Toby looked different, older._

_He reached his hands to her front to unzip her jumper, but as he threw it away, she could see that it was a black hoodie. Why had she been wearing a black hoodie?_

_"I love you so much Spencer, I've missed this, I've missed you so much," Toby murmured against her lips, moving down to greet her neck with his kisses. She let out a loud moan from underneath him, lifting her head to give him better access._

_"Me too, I just wish we hadn't had to wait so long." He took that opportunity to remove his lips from her body, instead staring deep into her eyes as he held her face in his hands._

_"I'm so sorry about that. I can't even explain how sorry I am for everything you went through. But when I saw you in that diner, in that hoodie, I've never felt more sorry in my life. Knowing that you made a deal with the devil just to see me again kills me." His eyes began tearing up and he turned his head away from Spencer._

_"You don't have to keep saying sorry, I know why you worked with Mona, I did the same thing. So just shut up and kiss me!" she said as he smashed his lips against hers, his hands returning to her waist in order to remove her t-shirt._

"Spencer, oh my God!" Aria's voice was the first thing Spencer heard as she woke up, opening her eyes to see Aria, Hanna and Emily running towards her, even in heels.

"Why are you here?" Spencer asked, using Emily's arm as a rope to pull her up. How had they known that she needed them? That she wanted to talk to them?

"I spoke to Toby, he came round to see me and told me about your dream. He asked us to come and speak to you," Emily replied, reaching out to hold Spencer's hand. She pulled it away quickly, not allowing her to do so.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Spencer was surprised by how calm her voice was, not fully portraying her current feelings. "Why didn't you tell me?" she screamed when they all stood silent.

"We all decided it would be the best idea, it wasn't necessary that you knew and we didn't want you to turn against Toby." Aria spoke up, looking frightened after her friend's outburst.

"And you were already so confused when you woke up, we didn't want to make it worse! We were trying to protect you," Emily added, hoping it might make things slightly better.

"Did you all agree on this?"

"The three of us and Toby thought it would be for the best." Aria looked to Emily, who nodded in agreement, and then to Hanna.

"I'm not going to stand here and pretend I was okay with this because I wasn't! I said from the beginning that she needed to know the truth and she would probably find out anyway, which she has. She would've been a lot less angry if we'd told her from the start!" Hanna finally chimed in on the conversation, though Aria and Emily looked like they wished she hadn't, shooting her a dirty look. "Don't look at me like that! Just because I apparently know Spencer much better than the two of you! I knew that if we told her ourself from the start we could have explained it in detail instead of her having to do that herself and making it so much worse in her head!"

"Hanna would you just shut up for once! You're not helping!" Spencer couldn't remember seeing Emily so angry in a long time, especially not at one of her friends.

"Hanna is the only one that is actually helping! She wanted to tell me the truth from the start, the only person who did and she's right that you should've told me."

"Spence, you have to understand that we were doing it to protect you and to-"

"No, I don't have to understand anything and right now I can't even stand to look at you so can you please just leave?" Spencer demanded, already moving towards the door to escort them out.

"We're really sorry Spence," Aria said at the last minute, but the only response she got was the door being slammed in her face.

"It's a little late now," Spencer whispered as she collapsed against the closed door, the tears finding her eyes again.


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm really sorry it's been a while since I updated, but like I said before I have exams and they are my priority right now. I'll be finished by the end of the week and then I'll hopefully be able to update more regularly.**

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Although she wouldn't admit it to anyone, the next few hours passed slowly to Spencer, consisting mostly of her crying her eyes out at the thought of what Toby had done and what she had done but also the idea of losing Toby.

Se had hated the notion of being married to Toby when she first found out in the hospital, not able to understand why she would plan on spending the rest of her life with someone she believed to be a murderer, a creep and a rapist.

She was uninterrupted in her sobs for almost three hours until the click of the front door alerted her that someone had come into the house.

She looked up from her place on the couch to see Toby walking slowly through the door, his head down in shame. His hands were in his pockets and Spencer had never seen him so tucked in on himself, not even after everything that happened with Alison and Jenna.

She couldn't help but feel that this was all her fault. If she had just let him explain everything himself she might not have forced him to leave and he wouldn't be so upset.

"I'm so sorry Spence, not just for doing what I did but for not telling you about it right away. I should've let you make your own decisions about me," Toby spoke up before Spencer had a chance to say anything.

"You don't have to keep saying you're sorry, I know you are and I forgive you. I know why you did what you did and I know that I did the same thing." Spencer's voice was full of hope and Toby could see a glimpse of the Spencer he knew peeking through the hard exterior she had created for herself over the last few weeks, one she had used to her advantage over the last few hours to shield herself from any pain or threats. "I'm the one who should be sorry for not letting you explain."

"You don't need to apologize, you've done nothing wrong. You actually reacted more calmly this time than you did the first time." Spencer laughed, but Toby clearly wasn't in the mood to, his face still betraying the fact that he was extremely upset.

"Well we're going to be okay now, as long as you promise to tell me the truth about everything from now," Spencer said, reaching for Toby's hand as he sat down down next to her.

He held her hands tightly in his, afraid to let go, especially with what he was about to say.

"Spence, there's something I need to tell you," Toby said seriously, a contrast to the slight smile on Spencer's face. Spencer nodded to him as a gesture to tell him to continue.

"I called my boss earlier when I was at Emily's and he said he has some work out of town and I agreed to do it." His voice was a whisper, but Spencer could still hear him, though she still didn't understand the gravity of his words.

"For how long?"

"A month initially but it could end up being for longer than that."

"Well we'll just have to find somewhere to stay nearby, where is it exactly?" Spencer was still oblivious to what Toby was really trying to tell her and he knew he would have to explain it much clearer.

"It's in Bucks County. But that's not what I meant. I'm going on my own and you're staying here."

"On my own?" Toby couldn't help but feel that Spencer sounded like a child in that moment, innocently wondering exactly where someone had gone after a parent had told them in child-friendly terms that they had died.

"I've already spoken to Em, and she's going to come and stay here while I'm away. And with your friends you're never going to be alone for long, but you'll probably wish you could be." He was trying to bring that smile that he loved back to her face, but her bottom lip was currently sticking out, making her look even more child-like and innocent.

"So I get a babysitter? I don't need anyone else Toby, I need you!" Her voice cracked at that point, and she was unable to say anything else on the matter.

"That's just it Spencer. I'm all you've known since you woke up so I've made you feel like you desperately need me, which you shouldn't."

"What do you mean? You're my husband, why shouldn't I need you?" She'd had so much confusion over the last 2 months and Toby was making it even worse now, but he needed to do this.

"I mean that I should've left you alone once I found out about your memory loss. I shouldn't have forced myself on you as your husband, I should have given you time to adjust to this new life before I acted like you husband.I could've acted like a friend at first until you got used to me being around. I should have made your friends and your family take care of you until you were ready for me to spend time with you. And I definitely shouldn't have kissed you and taken you on dates, getting both of our hopes up." His voice was strong, hiding the pain he really felt at having to do this, but he knew it was necessary in order to save Spencer getting hurt later on.

"But you're my husband. Are you saying that you've regretted the last few weeks?" Spencer attempted to stop the tears from filling her eyes but she was unsuccessful.

"The last 2 months have been amazing for me, being able to spend all this time with you and get to know each other all over again. But just because I was happy doesn't mean that you were. It wasn't right of me to make you rely on me and feel like you need me here. I need you to want to be with me, not just to want to make me happy. I need to know that you know 100% that you want to be with me. I want to give you the chance to see if you're sure it's me you want to be with." He held her hands tight in his and now she understood why.

He was about to let her go, both literally and metaphorically, and he was scared. Scared of what she would do, scared of what she would say, scared of what was going to happen, how this was going to end.

"What if I decide that I do want to be with you?"

"Then that would be amazing if you were sure about that, but only if you were entirely sure. I won't let you risk your happiness to make me happy, I could never do that to you."

"And what if I decide that I want to be with someone else?" Her voice was shaky and he could tell that she was worried this might happen and she would end up hurting him.

"Then I would leave you alone. I would leave town and I would let you get on with your life. I just want you to be happy, so if you feel like you can't have that with me then I would want you to know that there's someone else out there for you." He was trying his best to be strong for her sake and for his own, as he knew that as soon as he started crying he wouldn't be able to stop.

"And what about you?" she asked between sobs.

"I don't know, but you're my first priority. You're the one I'm thinking about right now, not myself. I would find a way to get over you and to live my life without you, as hard as that would be." The tears were flowing freely down Toby's cheeks and a sob broke through his chest as he imagined his life without his wife, the only woman he had ever loved and probably the only woman he would ever love.

He was talking about living without Spencer but he knew he wouldn't be able to do it. He could survive without her but he would only ever be able to live half a life, missing his other half, his soul mate.

He had almost lost her just 2 months before after her accident and at that time when they had been ready to turn off her life support he almost gave up on his own life. He was a complete wreck the week she was in a coma, not eating or sleeping and spending all his time by Spencer's bedside, holding her hand and speaking to her, urging her to wake up. The only thing that made him leave the hospital and get something to eat was Emily's intervention, when she told him that he needed to be ready for Spencer when she woke up and he couldn't do that if he made himself sick and ended up in the hospital as a patient. It didn't take him long before he returned to the hospital, terrified that something had changed in Spencer's condition when he left her.

He left her side at that moment, moving into the bedroom where he packed a bag full of everything he would need for a month away, along with a few extras in case Spencer's decision resulted in him being away for longer than he thought.

"I don't want you to go, I don't want to be with anyone else. Please don't leave!" she cried as he came back out, grabbing his arm to try and pull him towards her.

"I have to Spencer, I'm doing this for you. You'll thank me later when you've made a proper, well-thought out decision about your future and what can make you happy." Despite his reassuring words, Toby was tempted to stay and forget everything he had said since he had returned to the house.

"Is this my fault? Because I reacted so badly when I found out about you being A? I forgive you, we can still be happy. I can make you happy I promise!" She couldn't remember a time when she had fought so hard for something, when she had wanted something so badly.

"Don't blame yourself for this, I've been selfish for too long and that's about to end. I'm so sorry for the pain and hurt I've caused you, I wish I could turn back time and stop myself from making you feel like you need me but I can't so this is the best I can do. I don't love you any less, that's not possible and will never happen but I need you to be happy, even at the expense of my own happiness."

He held Spencer's face in his hands and touched his lips to hers in a passionate kiss that portrayed everything he would miss for the next month or longer.

He couldn't bring himself to believe that this could be the last kiss he would ever share with Spencer, not ready to think about the consequences of what he was doing. He didn't want to think about himself, focussing solely on Spencer and what was best for her.

He forced himself to remove his lips from Spencer's, knowing that if he didn't do it soon he would never do it. It was now or never.

"Goodbye Spencer," Toby said before leaving the house, taking Spencer's remaining strength and happiness with him.

What was she supposed to do without him, she didn't know what to think or what to do. Her mind had been thinking about him for months and now she had to live without him by her side, without him to hold her at night and whenever she needed comfort.

She wasn't sure what she was going to do without him but she knew that she was going to have to learn, as much as she didn't want to.

* * *

**I know this isn't the best chapter ever, but I'm sure it's pretty obvious that it's all going to work out in the end. Just stick with it and you'll get your happy ending but if you're not enjoying it then just stop reading. There's no need to complain about the story, just don't read it! But thank you to everyone else who left amazing reviews, I love you all!**


	15. Chapter 15

Spencer couldn't let herself cry, knowing that once she started she wouldn't stop. She felt that she didn't deserve to cry, didn't deserve to feel anything. It was all her fault in her mind, she had forced him to leave, or at the very least forced him to realize he should leave. But now her one moment of stupidity and selfishness had made them both unbearably unhappy and she had no idea what to do next.

She couldn't get settled, not able to sit still for long enough to get herself comfortable. She moved from lying down to sitting up straight to propping herself up with a pillow but her legs were shaking constantly, one of them partly because it was still in a cast and was currently burning under the heat of that and her constant movements.

Spencer hadn't eaten for hours and her stomach was growling loudly, but she had no energy to move to get some food, her guilt weighing her down, along with her heavy, aching heart.

She had woken up that morning happier than she had felt in a long time after everything that had happened the day before with her family and Toby, especially everything that had happened once they got home from the dinner. She slept better than she had ever done before, safe in Toby's warm, welcoming, protective embrace. She didn't know what she would be waking up to, the hell she was now in.

The stress now clouding over her, she let sleep wash over her body, her closed eyes only acting as projectors to the images engrossing her brain.

_"I knew who I was when they found me. I knew my family and friends would be worried. But I just- I wanted to fold up and stop, I didn't want to think any more." Spencer let out a deep breath at finally getting this off her chest and having someone to talk to as she stared at someone she assumed was a therapist. She couldn't help herself shuffling her feet and twiddling her thumbs._

_"You were overwhelmed?" the woman asked and the voice was familiar to Spencer, although it may have just been the compassion with which she spoke and the care in her voice._

_Despite this Spencer couldn't stop herself rolling her eyes, not used to just sitting opposite someone and telling them everything she was thinking, let alone someone she didn't even know while being surrounded by a group of strangers who all looked completely crazy to her._

_No wonder they looked crazy, Spencer could already work out that this must have been from her time in Radley Sanitarium._

_She could understand completely why she had been driven there. She had experienced the pain of finding out the truth about Toby after a few weeks of falling for him but the first time, the time she could barely remember, she had spent a whole year with him, falling in love with him and everything about him, leaving her even more crushed when she knew the truth, or half of it anyway. _

_"Well I wasn't Spencer Hastings for almost a whole day and no one else showed up to take the job so I guess I'm stuck with it." She sounded defeated, like everything had been knocked out of her._

_"Because you're the only person in the world that can be you?" The therapist was obviously trying to reassure Spencer, to give her a reason to go on but it was doing nothing to help Spencer._

_"You don't have to rub it in," Spencer said,her voice completely emotionless. "I'm sorry, this can't be very entertaining for you and there are people here with real problems."_

_"Just like you."_

_Spencer looked up at a woman sitting next to her, only to see that she was already staring at Spencer, who looked away as quickly as she had looked up._

_"Yeah, just like me. I um- I fell down in the woods. I was running and I fell down and I looked at the ground and I saw my hand and my sleeve and the little button on my sleeve and some dirt and an old acorn. And I said to myself 'okay if this is the last thing you ever see, I can handle that. I'm done. I've had enough.' But it wasn't the last thing that I saw. I just kept going. How do you keep going when the worst thing has happened? What do you have to change inside to survive? Who do you have to become?" Spencer was crying now as she relived the thoughts that had run through her head all day, the image of Toby's lifeless body lying so close to her, when she could do nothing to help him._

_"I'm sorry, I don't expect you guys to don't know me." Spencer looked up at the therapist, only to see Aria, Emily and Hanna sitting in her place, staring at her like they barely knew her, like they hadn't been friends for years. "I'm sorry but that's true. You don't know who I am any more and you can't count on me."_

_Her friends just stared blankly at her, and Spencer looked down while blinking to get rid of the tears in her eyes. When she looked back up they were gone and her therapy group were once again surrounding her._

She shook as she woke up, terrified and shaken up from what she had just seen. Her body was covered in a thick layer of sweat, even though she didn't even have a blanket around her and was still just wearing Toby's shirt that she had put on that morning.

She brought the collar of it up to her nose, inhaling the scent of him and remembering everything they had had together in the last few weeks. She couldn't stop herself from crying then as she curled in one herself as much as possible.

"Spencer? Are you here?" Emily shouted as she walked in the door of the Cavanaugh residence. "Oh my God!" she continued as she saw Spencer lying on the couch, her eyes full of tears, their predecessors having already stained her cheeks.

"He's gone, Em. He left me," she sobbed, throwing herself into Emily's arms as her friend sat down next to her. Emily's hands ran up and down Spencer's back in attempt to soothe her, but it was no use. Her sobs didn't actually subside, they just got slightly weaker over time.

"I-it's all my f-fault. I m-made him l-leave. H-he's gone because of m-me." Spencer repeated these words multiple times, despite Emily's protests that they weren't true.

But how could Spencer not blame herself? If she had reacted a bit better in the first place and given Toby a chance to explain she might have been able to understand sooner, and he might not have felt the need to leave.

Deep down she knew that this wasn't the case, that he was doing this for her, to help her and she shouldn't hate him for that, but she couldn't help it.

"Do you want me to make you something to eat?" Emily asked as Spencer's stomach alerted her, very loudly, that she hadn't eaten in hours. She had just stopped crying after around an hour straight of tears.

"Yeah, that sounds good, thanks. How long are you staying?"

"As long as you need. Toby asked me to stay until he gets back but it's up to you," Emily replied, holding Spencer's hand softly n hers.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to, but it might be nice for a bit. What about Rose?"

"What about her?"

"Well she lives with you, so is she just going to stay at your place or here? Because that's fine by me," Spencer assured her.

"If you're sure then I'll just tell her she can stay here." Emily smiled brightly at Spencer in an attempt to comfort her.

"You can stay in the master bedroom upstairs because I'll still need to be downstairs and I don't think the guest bedroom is made up. And besides I'm not really sure if I want anyone staying in there, considering whose room it is…or it was supposed to be." Spencer rambled on, and she found herself surprised by how happy she was to have Emily staying.

Spencer had always loved Emily. She was the kind of friend that she could talk to about anything and everything, no matter how awkward or embarrassing it was. She was always the first person Spencer went to for advice and she was more than happy to help, no matter what was going on in her own life. Spencer remembered how hard it had been for Emily to come out, and she hadn't really had time to consider doing it herself, being pushed forcefully from the closet doors by A and their sick mind games and torture.

The last thing Spencer remembered about Emily from before the accident was her dating Maya St Germain, and she hadn't yet gathered up the courage to ask her what happened between the two of them. She had never really been very fond of Maya, feeling that she was a bad influence on Emily but she made Emily happy which brought her up in Spencer's expectations.

But Rose seemed so much better for Emily, she made her happier than Spencer had ever seen and Emily had even admitted that herself. Rose was unbelievably sweet and she had a way of making Emily smile no matter what was happening.

She was perfect for Emily in every way, which Spencer could see as she sat opposite them for dinner, which Rose had made herself. Emily's smile was ridiculously wide and if she hadn't been one of her best friends, Spencer would have found it almost sickening to see someone that happy in their relationship.

"Em, can I ask you something?" Spencer asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper because of her hesitation.

"Of course Spence, what's up?"

"The last person I remember you dating was Maya, so what happened between the two of you?" Spencer instantly regretted the question as Emily's face soon lost it's smile, her eyes glazing over in sadness.

"We broke up probably not long after your last memories because she got sent away to a rehab-style camp after her parents were told by my mom that she was smoking pot. She came back about 3 months later and we got back together but then I caught her smoking again and she ran away. No one heard from her for weeks, not even me, and then right after we found out that Mona was A we went back to my place and my mom told me that they found Maya's body in the back yard." Spencer could tell that Emily was trying to hold back tears, although she wasn't sure if it was for her benefit or for Rose, or even just for Emily herself.

"W-what happened?"

"She had slept with a guy called Lyndon James at True North and he wouldn't leave her alone. He found her in Rosewood and he was the one who killed her."

"Is he still in prison? They did catch him, right?" Spencer's voice was so innocent and Emily had completely forgotten that Spencer wouldn't remember any of this stuff.

"He told me his name was Nate St Germain when I first met him and he said he was Maya's cousin. I had started dating Paige McCullers at that point and when I rejected him he kidnapped Paige and tried to kill her. I ran because I knew he would chase me and it would get him away from her. He pulled out a knife but when we fought over it I had no choice but to stab him. He died not long after." Emily's voice was void of emotion when she was talking about Lyndon, having learnt over time that it wasn't her fault and he did what she had to do, she'd had no choice otherwise he would have killed her and Paige.

"I'm so sorry Em, I didn't realize. I shouldn't have brought it up. For God's sake why can't I just keep my mouth shut? It's brought me nothing but trouble!"

"Spencer, I understand that you're curious and you have a right to be. I would be in your condition and I don't mind. I got over it a long time ago,thanks to amazing friends and family, and Rose has helped me so much in the last year." She held her girlfriend's hand in hers tightly, smiling at her reassuringly.

"You just looked so upset before, I never meant to dredge up the past and bring back all those awful memories."

"I just haven't thought about Maya in a while, I haven't really had a chance to or the desire to but I don't mind talking about it. I was always told that talking about things like that can really help and it has. I'm okay Spencer, I have been for a while. In fact, I'm more than okay, I'm better than I've ever been. You don't need to worry about me."

"Well then you don't need to worry about me. Am I upset about Toby leaving? Of course. But I'm okay and I'll get through it, especially with you two here with me," Spencer said, reaching for Emily and Rose's free hands, giving them a light squeeze, and getting wide smile from both woman in return.

* * *

**I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to update, but I've been really busy lately with finishing exams and going back to school.**

**As much as I'm sure she would like to be, real life isn't actually dating Emily Fields or Shay Mitchell but I'm sure it might be of some comfort to her for this if you follow her on tumblr at pll-addiction and rosemariedavis ;) But seriously follow her, because she's the sweetest person ever and inspired me to write this story!**


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm so sorry that it's been almost a month since I last updated this story, but I should be able to update it more regularly now.**

* * *

"I could get used to the two of you staying here if I'm going to get this V.I.P treatment," Spencer said as she put her feet up on the sofa, her hand on her stomach after the large, delicious meal Emily had just cooked for the three of them.

"I made Baklava for dessert, my mom used to make it and it's always been my favorite. I haven't had it for a while and just fancied it," Rose revealed, bringing bowls through for the three of them.

"This is delicious! Like I said before, I could get far too used to this treatment." Spencer leaned back on the sofa, turning the tv onto some random movie. "If only I could get a foot massage from one of you."

Spencer had spent the last two days forcing all thoughts of Toby out of her head and it had worked better than she had expected, mainly due to the fact that Emily was off all weekend so she had a great distraction in her friend.

But that would end the next day when Emily went back to work at Rosewood High as their gym teacher and swim coach and Rose returned to her placement as a trainee doctor in Rosewood Memorial hospital and Spencer would have to cope on her own.

Of course, she wasn't really going to be alone, as she had already arranged to spend some time with Aria to get away from the four walls that had encased her for the past few days.

"What time are you going round to Aria's tomorrow?" Emily asked.

"About 10 o'clock. I'm pretty sure she's planning on making me go shopping, which I am not looking forward to, especially because it will involve the two of us getting in everyone's way; her trying to walk around all day while six months pregnant and extremely hormonal and me hobbling on crutches." Spencer cringed at the thought, used to hating people who did the same thing in stores, who got in everyone's way, particularly when they weren't even sorry for doing so.

"I should get to bed, I have to get up at six thirty tomorrow morning again. You would think I'd be used to those early mornings by now, but I most definitely am not," Emily admitted, shaking her head as she set the alarm on her cell phone for the following morning.

"Speak for yourself. Just you try and have a week of consecutive night shifts where you have to sleep during the day when it's light and you have your beautiful girlfriend trying to distract you," Rose said teasingly, leaning forward to kiss Emily's cheek. "Not that I mind you distracting me."

"Oh get a room you two. Don't rub your happy relationship in my face when mine has crashed and burned." The smile on Spencer's face told them that she was kidding, although for a second both of them were genuinely worried that they had upset her.

"Spence, your relationship with Toby is not over completely, not if you don't want it to be. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I'm not sure it will ever really be completely over for either of you, no matter what happens between the two of you." Emily reached out to hold Spencer's hand and gave it a tight squeeze, which Spencer couldn't help but smile at.

Emily yawned again, using it as her cue to do as she had said previously and go to bed, as well as Rose who left the living room at the same time. They both kissed Spencer's forehead as they left, Emily whispering that it would all be okay in her ear.

* * *

Spencer wandered in the front door of Aria and Jason's large house at 9:55, worried when she heard no movement around the house.

"Aria?" she shouted as she walked around the house; up the grand staircase, in the living room door, towards the kitchen, and eventually she reached the garden, where she finally found her friend.

Lying on a brightly colored reclining chair with sunglasses on and ear buds in. singing loudly, was Aria, her bump extremely evident from that position.

Spencer cleared her throat loudly, but when Aria still didn't budge she nudged her friend's arm, resulting in her jumping up, her eyes popping open and her ear buds falling out and getting tangled in her arms as she tried to defend herself against whatever danger was in front of her.

"Spencer, you're early. I thought you were coming at 10? You almost gave me a heart attack! You don't do that to a pregnant woman!" Spencer couldn't help but laugh at Aria's bewildered expression, but her friend scolded her with her index finger.

"Aria, it's 9:58 so I am literally 2 minutes early. I apologize for interrupting your sunbathing time. What did you want to do today Miss Cranky?"

"I was kind of hoping we could go shopping, if that's okay. There's a few things I need to get for this little one. They have to be gender neutral though, no one else is going to find out whether it's a boy or a girl until he or she is born. That's mine and Jason's little secret." Aria proudly placed her hands on her growing bump, her smile growing wide at the thought of seeing her baby in just 3 months.

"That sounds great, but I'm just not sure how mobile I'll be with these crutches or how much help I'll be if there's any heavy lifting. I think it's a boy, at least that's what I picture when I imagine you and Jason with a baby." Spencer had thought a lot about it, the idea of her brother and sister-in-law with their own little bundle of joy and she was so excited for the two of them.

She had many different images in her head of what they would be like as parents, but she always stopped herself from thinking too much about it, in case she started to imagine Toby as a dad, a job she knew he would be incredible at especially if his behaviour with Lily and Harry was anything to go by.

She had to stop that from swaying her thoughts about Toby and their future, wanting to make her decision solely on Toby and not on how she perceived their future; how happy they would be, whether they would have any kids, what they would call those hypothetical children.

"Shall we head off now then? And don't worry, Jason's already helped with all the heavy stuff, it's just clothes and little things today." The two of them headed into the house to pick up Aria's bag and phone and check the windows were closed and the doors locked before taking Aria's car to the local mall.

* * *

Two stores, three bags and various items of clothing for the two of them later they arrived at the front door of the baby store Aria had blabbed on about in the car journey there.

Spencer couldn't help but notice how busy the store was and it didn't take her long to see why, the giant 'Massive Reductions' sign a big give away.

"Are you kidding me, Aria? One day only sale and you decide that it would be best to bring a woman on crutches to hunt for bargains? I'm not going to be much help, especially if it involves fights with other moms-to-be, unless I hit them with a crutch and take them down." She tried not to be too annoyed at her friend, but the idea of being stuck in there surrounded by crazed, hormonal expectant parents terrified Spencer.

"I didn't even think about that. I'm so sorry! We can go somewhere else if you want," Aria said apologetically, her tone of voice giving away the fact that she was genuinely sorry and hadn't even thought properly about how awkward it would be for Spencer.

"No, it's fine. If it gets too much I'll just go outside, but we have to stick together, okay? Pinkie swear?" She held out her pinkie to link it with Aria's, something they hadn't done since the early years of high school, but it made both of them laugh anyway.

It turned out to not be as bad as Spencer had thought, except one incident which involved Spencer being knocked to the ground after she got caught in the crossfire of a fight between two pregnant women and was hit by a flying diaper bag that they had previously been fighting pretty violently over.

They already had various items in the cart, including some pacifiers, a ridiculous amount of onesies and a couple of packets of bottles. They were headed to Aria's next target: rows and rows of gorgeous clothes for newborns in all colors, but mainly blues and pinks.

Aria did a small leap for joy as she saw some of the prices on the clothing, throwing various items into the cart. Although Spencer had been hoping to get a clue whether it was a niece or a nephew she should be preparing to spoil rotten, the fabrics were various colors, but they were all gender neutral like Aria had warned her, giving her no new ideas.

_The hand holding hers was warm and welcoming, gripping it tightly. She looked to her right to see Toby standing next to her, his eyes looking down at her stomach, where Spencer could see a small bump protruding out of her dress._

_"Where to first?" Toby asked, his eyes searching the store, seeing too much all at once in the packed aisles._

_"I see lots of blue and green over there, so let's head that way," Spencer replied, already leading her husband over to the racks of boy's clothes._

_Their eyes and brains couldn't even properly take in everything they were seeing, as there was so much amazing stuff. The clothes in front of them were all so cute and they could both imagine their little boy wearing everything they could see._

_Although they were both picturing their baby, they had very different images in their minds: Spencer saw a child with Toby's big blue eyes, the curly hair from both of them, Toby's cheekbones and nose and his sweet nature; Toby pictured a male version of all the baby photos he had seen of Spencer, her big brown eyes and her nose, which was much smaller than his own, and her feisty, determined, spirited nature._

_No matter what, they both knew, as well as all their friends and family, that their child would be ridiculously attractive and adorable, no matter who he looked more like._

_"Tobes, look at this. We have to get this, think of how much this would accent his eyes," Spencer gushed, holding up a light brown onesie and placing it against her bump like it would actually help her pick the right things._

_"Spence, you're 4 months pregnant, we have no idea what color his eyes will be," Toby replied, rolling his eyes at his wife before continuing. "And anyway, we both know the baby will have beautiful brown eyes like you, or at least I hope he will, so we should get some green stuff as well if you want to highlight his eyes. He'll be beautiful and smart and unique if he's anything like his mom." _

_Although she usually hated couples who were overly affectionate in public, especially in stores, she felt the need to kiss her husband at that moment, going on her tiptoes to give him a sweet kiss, full of promises of more to come later, once they were in the privacy of their own home._

"Spencer, are you okay? You seemed to be in a whole other place entirely for a while," Aria said, her hand waving in Spencer's face to snap her out of whatever she was in, a concerned look on her face.

"I'm fine, I just remembered something. I need some air," she announced before she was gone from Aria's line of sight, pushing through the crowds as fast as possible to get out of the store and out of the mall itself.

Aria wasn't even sure what she should do, as she still had a basket full of items on her arm and she had no idea where Spencer was.

She eventually decided to just pay for the things she had already chosen and then go to look for Spencer, which turned out to take longer than she expected as the line at the till was extremely long and full of people with overflowing baskets taking advantage of the sale prices and there was only two people serving at the counter.

She was out of breath by the time she finally found Spencer by the fountain at the front of the mall, her bump making her waddle slightly and the five bags she was carrying weighing her down even more.

"I'm so sorry Aria, I shouldn't have left you back there. At least you made it out alive though," Spencer joked, eyeing up the bags Aria was carrying.

"What happened in there?" Aria put her arm around Spencer's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "You said you remembered something, do you want to talk about it? You don't have to if you don't want to, I'm not going to force you into anything you're not comfortable with."

"It was Toby and I in that store, shopping for our baby, talking about him and what he would be like." Spencer couldn't even remember her son, and yet she had found herself crying for him, yearning for him a few times in the last few months. "I just needed some time alone to get my head straight and I couldn't stand being surrounded by all those baby things and reminders and all the pregnant women because all I could think about was what I lost and how it's not fair that they have everything, something I've always wanted and almost had."

Aria had no idea what to say, scared that she had upset Spencer in some way, even without meaning to, instead settling on holding Spencer as she cried over her loss.

"Oh God, Aria, I didn't mean that about you. I guess I just got jealous, I wanted a piece of that happiness. I know how amazing a mom you're going to be and I'll get to be a part of this little one's life. You'll never get rid of me." Spencer's hands cradled Aria's bump, her smile widening at the thought of meeting the offspring of her brother and her best friend.

"Your nephew's going to need his aunt Spencer, if his mommy's anything to go by."

"You're having a boy?!" Spencer exclaimed, hugging Aria as close to her as possible when she had another human growing inside of her.

"Yes, but you can't tell anyone. It's a secret, I told Jason I wouldn't tell anyone but I'm sure he won't mind that I told his favorite sister."

Spencer's face didn't betray her sadness, thankfully, so she managed to keep Aria thinking she was overjoyed at the thought of a baby boy, but in her head all she could think about was her baby, imagining what he would look like and what he would be like, who he would be closer to, her or Toby, whether it would mean that her and Toby would still be together.


	17. Chapter 17

Spencer sat down in a seat in the grand dining room of Aria and Jason's house, settling for the one in between Aria and Emily and opposite Caleb for their get-together.

They had all told her that they made sure to do this at least once a month, gather together as a group and have dinner or watch a movie and just catch up and make sure they don't lose touch with each other over time.

They had neglected these gatherings over the last 2 months while Spencer recovered from her accident, not wanting to unsettle her by forcing her into a group that was full of people she barely knew, not any more at least when she remembered the girls the way they were in high school, remembered Jason as Alison's creepy stoner older brother and she didn't even know Caleb or Rose. She had already had enough confusion while she tried to remember details of her life over the last 9 years and her relationship with Toby.

No one mentioned the elephant in the room, Toby being missing from their group for the first time in years, not wanting to upset Spencer or make things awkward, but they all noticed his absence and missed him greatly, even just for how happy his presence made Spencer after all these years.

"Aria will you sit down and relax? I told you that I would handle dinner so I don't need your help," Jason scolded, his eyes boring into his wife's until she finally parked herself down in a seat, huffing as she did so and crossing her arms across her chest with anger.

Spencer was the first to laugh, chuckling as she saw Aria sitting like a child having a tantrum and everyone else soon joined in, making Aria even more annoyed.

"It's not funny! I hate being pregnant, he won't let me do anything I want to do," Aria complained, and Spencer had an image in her head of Aria having to get up to do middle of the night feeds and turning into a complete child for the next few days afterwards.

"Would it help if I went to go check on Jason and the food?" Spencer asked, and Aria smiled as she nodded.

As Spencer hobbled through to he kitchen, the faint smell of burning filled her nostrils. She moved quicker to the source, the kitchen, and found Jason in front of the oven, beating away the smoke with an oven glove as he tried to get the vegetarian lasagne out without burning himself or dropping it on the floor.

"Spencer! You weren't supposed to see this, you can't tell Aria about this, though I'm not sure I can hide it when it's black on top."

"Jason, you do realize how easy it is to scrape off the burnt bits right? You obviously put the oven up a little bit too high so it looks like just the top of it is burnt. Give me that spatula, I'll help you," she said, snatching it out of his hand and using it to remove any trace of Jason's mistake from the dish.

After sprinkling some more grated cheese over the top, Spencer turned the oven down slightly and put the dish back in, before taking it out as soon as it looked ready.

"Thank you so much Spencer, you saved me from humiliation from my wife and friends," Jason announced, hugging Spencer and lifting her up slightly, kissing her cheek.

"What are sisters for." Spencer never thought it would seem so normal to her to call Jason DiLaurentis her brother, but she couldn't help it when he was so sweet and brotherly towards her. She had always imagined herself with an older brother, someone to look over her and protect her, especially if any 'unsuitable' guys started to show an interest in her.

Spencer picked up the pile of plates that he had set out and carried them through to the dining room, followed closely by Jason who was carrying the lasagne, now cooked to perfection thanks to Spencer.

"Dinner is served," Jason declared, placing the dish in the centre of the table and cutting it to place on everyone's plates.

"I have to admit that you did a great job sweetie, this looks delicious," Aria said, digging in quickly without a second glance to anyone else at the table, who seemed to be enjoying it regardless.

"Well you have Spencer to thank for that, it was her doing." Jason smiled at Spencer from the other side of the table and she couldn't help but return the gesture, gesturing down to the plate as she gave him a thumbs up, not able to speak with a mouthful of food.

"It wasn't all me, it was a team effort, a bit of sibling bonding," Spencer said when she swallowed it, not wanting to take the credit for the whole meal when all she really did was some finishing touches.

"We should let Jason cook more often, that was amazing," Hanna admitted once she had finished, clearing her plate.

"For your first time cooking lasagne you did a great job not burning it. I ruined at least the first 10 lasagnes I made because I always put the temperature up too high, so well done," Emily said, raising her glass in a toast to Jason.

After compliments from everyone else Jason made sure to mouth a 'thank you' to Spencer, who winked at him in return.

"Need any help with the dessert?" Spencer asked, teasing her brother as only a younger sister could. Even without an answer Spencer followed him through to the kitchen, carrying a few plates with her.

"You seem to be getting around really well without your crutches, when are you getting the cast off?" Jason questioned, wandering around the kitchen to get everything he needed to go with the ice cream he had taken out of the freezer.

"I have an appointment tomorrow at the hospital to check but my physical therapist thinks that I'm ready for it to be taken off. He says that I've healed very well, quicker than anyone expected."

"That's great, it's good to see you're as determined as ever."

"Now it's just my brain that's the problem, I guess," Spencer sighed, leaning against the counter.

"Spence, you'll be fine. Chances are you'll get your memories back but even if you don't you will have so many more opportunities to make amazing new memories. Don't let this get you down, because it's not the end of the world. Just think of all the things you have to look forward to." Jason was next to her, holding her hands in his as he reassured her.

"I still have no idea what I'm going to do about Toby though, I just feel so confused," she admitted, burying her head in her spare hand.

"Well how do you feel about him now that you've been away from him for two weeks? Do you feel any differently?" His voice was soft and Spencer could tell that he wasn't just asking her purely to get gossip and he genuinely cared about her.

"I miss him like crazy. I keep trying to stop myself from thinking about him but it just makes it so much worse when he inevitably creeps back into my thoughts because then it comes all at once. If I'm being perfectly honest I've cried myself to sleep more often than not in these last 2 weeks. I feel ridiculous that I feel like this, I only spent two months with him for crying out loud, but I think I'm in love with him. But it looks like he doesn't want to be with me, so it doesn't matter how I feel any way."

"If it means anything to you you mean the world to Toby and he loves you so much, he would never not want to be with you. I think you need to think properly about what you want from him and for yourself and for the both of you together as a couple before you make any final decisions and you need to tell him how you feel when you see him." Jason pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her in a tight bear hug, something Spencer had been longing for since she had woken up in the hospital, something she had been scared to ask for from anyone, something she didn't even realize she needed so desperately until now.

Spencer gripped to Jason as if her life depended on it, terrified to let go and lose the comfort of her brother's warmth and soothing nature.

"And besides you really do need to think about the other good things that are in the future for you, no matter what happens between you and Toby." Jason pulled away from the hug, but still remained close to Spencer and kept his eyes trained on hers.

"Like going back to work, which I've been thinking about recently. I have a meeting with the principal the day after tomorrow to discuss going back, even if it's just on a temporary basis for now."

"That's fantastic! And you've got your appointment tomorrow, who is going with you?" Jason asked.

"I'm not sure yet, I was going to check what time Rose was working to see if she could give me a ride."

"No you won't do that, because I'm going to take you and don't you dare argue with me because you will lose. I have a very hormonal wife out there who could easily take you down in a second, so don't mess with me when you know I'll have Aria on my side," he warned, pointing his index finger in her face to confirm that he was being serious and he was genuinely warning her.

"Oh no, not Aria. I'm so scared of tiny little Aria who couldn't hurt a fly." Spencer feigned terror, making her brother laugh, knowing exactly how weak-minded his wife was and how much she hated violence of any kind. "She'll have to get used to violence now that she's having a boy, do you think she's realized that yet? She's got years of violent games, fighting and action movies to come, so I hope she's prepared."

Spencer didn't even think about what she had said until it was too late and Jason had already processed it.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I-I think it's a boy, but Aria refused to tell me," Spencer said, her voice shaky with nerves after unintentionally dropping her friend in at the deep end.

"She told you?" he demanded, his voice increasing in volume drastically.

"She was just trying to cheer me up, but I wasn't supposed to tell you. I'm so sorry! I'm such an idiot," Spencer muttered, rubbing her hand over her forehead as she contemplated how angry Jason seemed to be, all because of her.

"Oh Aria, my dear sweet wife who I love dearly, could you come through here? NOW!" he shouted, peeking his head out the kitchen door towards the dining room so that he didn't have to face anyone else before he had spoken to Aria.

Aria's oblivious smile fell away as soon as she saw her husband's expression and red cheeks, his head fit to burst.

"What's wrong? You were sent to get ice cream and you've been away for 15 minutes and Spencer looks like she's been crying. What have you done?" she asked Jason accusingly, staring him down despite the fact that she was a good few inches shorter than him and couldn't get too close to him without her bump getting in the way.

"I've done absolutely nothing wrong, but you have."

"What do you mean?" Aria demanded, her hands on her hips, which Spencer would have laughed at in any other circumstances, saying she looked like a mom already.

"Jason, just leave it. You don't have to do this just now," Spencer said, attempting to break up whatever was about to happen before it actually happened.

"You told Spencer that we're having a boy! We agreed that we wouldn't tell anybody!" Jason's voice was raised even more, even though he wasn't even shouting directly at Aria, who seemed to be even smaller than usual as she curled in on herself slightly.

"She's your sister and she was upset so I thought you wouldn't mind if I told her." Aria tried to defend herself, but Jason still didn't look pleased with her. She pulled him aside, out of Spencer's earshot and whispered in his ear. "She remembered going shopping with Toby for Matthew and she got really upset and ran out the shop, so I wanted to cheer her up. It was the only thing I could think of and it seemed to work. I'm so sorry though, I know it was supposed to be our little secret and I shouldn't have done it."

"Aria, I understand why you did it. I just wish you'd told me as soon as it happened and not let me hear it by accident from Spencer." He didn't whisper like his wife had so Spencer could hear and guessed that Aria had told him about her memory.

"Can you forgive me?" she asked, her bottom lip coming out in a pout jokingly.

"Of course I can, I love you, you idiot!" he said, kissing her sweetly and pulling her into his chest for a hug, getting as close as possible with a bump in the way.

"I love you too, so much!"

Spencer coughed before they had a chance to become even more sickeningly sweet as they leaned in towards each others lips.

"I'm just going to remind you that you have a room full of people waiting for you and this ice cream, which has almost completely melted by the way." Spencer held up the tub to demonstrate the splashing sounds coming from it to signify that it was almost all liquid by now.

The three of them walked back into the dining room with 7 bowls and a brand new tub of ice cream from the freezer, taking their original seats as if nothing had happened.

They all ate in silence for a few minutes, the light chatter from earlier long gone and replaced by awkward glances and a lack of knowledge of what to do.

Of course Hanna was the first to speak up when her spoon collided with the empty bowl.

"So, I'm getting an honorary nephew then?" she questioned, earning her glares from everyone else at the table as Aria made sure to slap Jason on the arm.


	18. Chapter 18

**I'm so sorry that this update took so long! I've been really busy with exam results, homework and going back to school and then I went on holiday for a few days so couldn't write for that time. But it's finally here, so enjoy chapter 18!**

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During her last visit to the hospital the week before, Spencer was told that she wasn't quite ready for her cast to be removed from her leg but also that it wouldn't be too long until she was healed enough.

The doctor told her to return a week from then, which was why she had been sitting in the waiting room of the hospital with her brother by her side for a half hour. Every so often the receptionist popped her head round the corner to assure them that the doctor was running late but would be here in no time at all.

"Do you really need to know about the latest 'celebrity' gossip, especially from magazine that was published a year ago? Do you really care about the wedding of a wannabe reality star and a has-been one hit wonder, who by the way has had two weddings since that was published?" Jason asked, pointing to a picture of a man standing beside a scantily clad woman with both showing of their huge matching cubic zirconia encrusted wedding rings and making Spencer lift her head out of the magazine it had been buried in.

"Hey, my brain is still back in 2011 for the most part. I'm missing 9 years of celebrity gossip so I have a lot to catch up on. What's Jennifer Aniston up to these days? Is she finally happy?" In the picture that Spencer pointed at she had a man on her arm, but a lot can happen in a year in Jennifer Aniston's life.

"The last I heard she was married, has been for like 7 years. And by the way you missed the Friends reunion, they made a movie a couple of years ago. I know how much you used to love that show so you probably already knew that."

"This is brand new information!" Spencer exclaimed, unintentionally quoting the show in her shock. "No one told me about this! Not even Aria, she and I used to constantly watch Friends, especially when I broke up with Toby and she broke up with Ezra and we needed something to cheer us up. We still laughed no matter how many times we watched each episode."

Jason was silent for a while, not really registering what his sister was saying before it eventually sunk in.

"What do you mean? I thought it was only flashes of your relationship with Toby that you had got before but you just brushed that off without even thinking about it."

"I'm not sure where it came from, I just had it in my head but it didn't feel like it was new like it did with the others. It just felt like I was reminiscing over something I knew so well, rather than just remembering it for the first time. I don't know what happened, but do you think it's a good thing?" Jason could tell that Spencer was getting worried about what she had just remembered and he needed to reassure her.

"Spence, anything that involves you getting your memory back is a good thing. Stop worrying and get excited that this could be the start of everything returning to normal. Do you remember anything else?"

"I kind of remember that whole year of 2011 and 2012 and a bit of 2013, the last thing I can remember is finishing my first year of university and living with Toby near the campus. Apparently I was top of my class in the first year." She closed the magazine that was still in her grasp, not wanting to know anything about other people's messy lives when her's was in such a terrible state, especially her love life.

"It wasn't just the first year, you were top every year and you graduated top of the class. It was actually pretty ridiculous when you think about it," Jason teased.

"Spencer Cavanaugh?" the receptionist called, looking directly towards Spencer. "The doctor will see you now."

Spencer and Jason finally made their way into the room, the smell of hospital sticking to their clothes as they moved through the corridor and especially as Spencer lay down on the bed that so many other people had been on over the years.

"Your leg seems to have healed fully now, so I'll be able to remove the cast today and then you can go home. I'm very pleased with your progress Spencer, especially your brain. You said last week that you were getting a few memories back, have you had any more since then?"

"I had a strange moment while we were waiting where I made a comment about something that happened later than I thought I remembered, but it wasn't a flashback type thing like the others, it was more like I had never forgotten it in the first place," Spencer revealed, and the doctor nodded along with her.

"That's completely normal Spencer and it's actually a lot more common than you would think to get your memories back like that. Most patients I've seen are just like you, so there's absolutely nothing to worry about. If you keep going at this rate you should have all your memory back by this time next year." While he said this, the doctor began work on removing the cast that had trapped Spencer's leg for the last 3 months, but still contributed to the conversation with his patient.

"Thank you so much Doctor Harper, I'm so grateful to you for all the help you've given me over the last few months, even before I knew you were there."

Before she knew it the cast was off her leg and she suddenly felt liberated. She hadn't realized how restraining the cast had been, but now she could move her leg so much more and when she got up she could actually walk properly and unaided for the first time in months and she didn't even have a limp. She wasn't even bothered when that same leg was knocked into by a trolley as it no longer bumped the cast further into her leg, it only lightly tapped her skin but she didn't even care because she barely felt it after all the pain she had felt with a broken leg.

Not used to the new layout of Rosewood General and struggling with the lack of helpful signs, Spencer and Jason ended up on a wild goose chase around the hospital, only this time the goose they were running for was an exit.

Spencer insisted on using the stairs as she now could and she wanted to take advantage of that so the first thing they had to look for was the door marked 'stairs', which was a struggle in itself before they even tackled the steps..

An ill-advised supply cupboard led them to believe that they were a floor lower than they actually were, so they went through the door to what they thought was the exit.

The first noise that filled their ears was that of various wailing infants, the unmistakable sounds of newborn babies fresh from an afternoon slumber. Still headed towards the exit, they passed various rooms in which they could hear the screams of pain that accompany women giving birth, and rushed to get out of the way before they angered any staff, or worse, temperamental, hormonal expectant or new mothers.

As they passed one ward in particular, Spencer was forced to take a seat on a nearby wheelchair that was luckily available when her eyes became clouded over with the now familiar look of a memory flash.

_She was lying in a hospital bed, surrounded again by the white walls and white everything, weighing down and pressing her onto the almost too clean bed. Although her head was against the pillow, it soon moved up again, straining her neck slightly in the process but that wasn't the worst pain she was feeling._

_She had heard from many women about their experiences of childbirth but she never imagined anything this bad. The pain was almost too much, almost enough to make her give up, almost enough to make her cry. At least most other women knew that they were getting something good out of this indescribable pain, a beautiful, innocent little baby, but Spencer couldn't tell herself that it would all be worth it in the end. She couldn't just picture herself holding her little bundle of joy, because it was the complete opposite of joy that the situation was bringing._

_In fact, if it were possible she would have just kept the baby inside her and never let him out, always kept him close to her where he should have been, rather than so far away in a cold, lonely grave surrounded by people he didn't know rather than the people who loved him._

_She kept telling herself to be strong, to just keep pushing and it would all be over but she knew that wasn't the case. Physically it would be over, she would no longer have to bear the burden of carrying another human being within her own body._

_Mentally, however, it would be far from over. She knew from what other people had told her and what she had already experienced that it would never really be over, that she would always remember and love the child and that she would never be able to get over the loss of her precious little boy._

_She had Toby by her side and she knew he would stick by her no matter what happened, even if it was her fault that this awful thing was happening. He had told her countless times that she wasn't to blame, sometimes these things just happen, but Spencer being the masochist that she was had to place the blame somewhere so it was easier and fairer to blame herself. _

_Toby held her hand tightly, offering Spencer the chance to squeeze it whenever the pain became too much, but she was unwilling to go along with this, settling for just putting everything she had into pushing, having decided that she just wanted this hell to be over and her life to be back to normal._

_They had already decided on the name, so when it was finally over and the nurse offered to give Spencer and Toby some time alone to say goodbye to their baby they were able to call him by his name._

_"Hey there little Matthew, I'm your mommy," Spencer whispered, barely managing to hold back the tears as she cradled the lifeless infant in her arms. He barely weighed anything and he was so small but all Spencer could see was how perfect he was. She had been right when she said he would have Toby's nose and mouth and although he couldn't see his smile she knew that it would be identical to his daddy's. _

_"And I'm your daddy," Toby said, stroking Matthew's head and taking in everything he possibly could about his features. Spencer couldn't remember a time when she had heard something as beautiful as Toby calling himself daddy, but she wished it wasn't in such awful circumstances. _

_"We're gonna be okay Spencer, I promise you. We're gonna get through this and we'll be fine, I'll make sure of it. I love you so much, I'm going to help you get through this and you'll do the same for me, just by being there." Toby's lips kissed his wife's forehead softly in a gesture that, although so simple, meant everything to Spencer and gave her great comfort._

_Even with the size of the baby in his arms, Toby took to holding a baby like a duck to water and Spencer felt her breath hitch in her throat at the image in front of her. _

"Spencer, are you okay? What's wrong?" Jason asked as tears fell down Spencer's cheeks, the little bit of makeup that she had put on coming with them.

"Can we just go?" she begged, already walking away from Jason as she finally saw a sign telling her that the exit was the floor below.

As soon as she got down the stairs and opened the door to the ward, the bright green 'exit' caught her eye and she moved even faster towards it, not even caring that Jason was struggling to keep up with her.

It wasn't until she was already at the car that she had to stop, as Jason had the keys and was too far away from her to open it.

Her breathing was heavy and erratic even as Jason finally caught up with her and it only just calmed down as they arrived at her house.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come inside with you? I hate leaving you when you're like this," he said, placing his hand over hers but before he had a chance to do anything of comfort to her she reached that hand to the door and swung it open.

"I'm sure, I just want to be alone. I need to be on my own right now." She didn't even say goodbye, she just got out of the car and slammed the door behind her, running into the house and slamming that door as well.

She collapsed against the door, unable to hold in her sobs any longer now that she was finally alone. She was overcome with tears and began struggling for breath again but this time she didn't have to try, no matter how badly, to hide it from Jason.

She could barely see through the cloud of tears in her eyes, but she thought she could make out a familiar figure walking towards her.

She wiped her eyes quickly and removed the barrier between herself and the other person in the room, but she had to blink several times and pinch herself to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

"Toby?" she called to the person in front of her.


	19. Chapter 19

Toby's eyes were full of worry as they took in the sight of Spencer sitting on the floor against the door, her cheeks stained with tears and mascara. He wasn't even sure why she was crying, but all he wanted to do was envelop her in a strong, protective hug and never let her go, to be able to whisper in her ear that it would be okay and she didn't have to worry, anything so that he didn't have to see her that upset.

He had never seen her like that, quite so upset. Even when she left the hospital after she gave birth to Matthew she had never really cried in front of him, not really. She had the odd tear in her eye now and again when everything became too much to handle, but most of the time she kept it to herself until she was alone. He had often heard her sobs through the bathroom door when she was in the shower or the bath and he had once come home early from work to find her sitting in what was left of what should have been Matthew's nursery curled up in a ball and sobbing, grasping one of the teddy bears they had been given by Spencer's parents a week after they announced they were having a baby. That was one of the few things that they didn't really talk about, something Spencer refused to speak of and that Toby was scared to even bring up in conversation.

"T-t-toby?" Spencer whispered again. "Is that you?" Her voice was soft and broken, her throat obviously blocked slightly and croaky.

"Yeah, it's me." He wasn't even really sure what else he could say, especially if she was still this upset about him leaving. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

He didn't know why he added the 'sweetheart' at the end, an he regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth and Spencer looked a bit shocked.

The only noises in the room for a couple of minutes were the quiet hum of the electricity and the occasional hitch in Spencer's breath when her sobs threatened to return.

"I am not your sweetheart Toby! You don't get to call me that, you left me!" She raised her voice but stopped before it reached a shouting level, scared that her sensitive voice couldn't handle it after all the crying she'd done that afternoon.

"I'm sorry about that, but you know why I had to go."

"I know why you wanted to go, but I don't understand your ridiculous reasoning. Did you really think that leaving me on my own and telling me to move on would just automatically make my feelings for you go away? Do you think that low of me that you believe a month is long enough for that?" She was standing now but refused to move any closer to him and refused to look into his beautifully tragic blue eyes, because that could sway her future decisions on whether to forgive him or not.

"I thought it was worth a try, I'd do anything for you, including giving you up if I knew it would help." He started to walk towards her, but she moved in on herself slightly and he stopped in his tracks.

"Stop trying to make yourself sound like the good guy, like a hero. I needed you and you left! You can't just worm your way out of it with some nice words and a smile, it's not going to work!" Her voice was gradually growing louder as it became stronger with the lack of tears.

"That's not what I'm trying to do, Spencer. I'm trying to help you to understand why I left. I did it for you, it killed me to do it and to have to live without you for so long, especially when you haven't exactly been yourself recently."

"So you left because of my accident? I had a brain injury that meant I lost nine years of my life, but because I dared to change after this horrific thing you left me on my own for weeks and you didn't even have the courtesy to call and tell me you were okay? That doesn't sound like a supportive husband to me." Toby had never seen her this angry before, and it was all his fault.

The first few days away from Spencer had been horrible, the whole month had, and he had managed to convince himself that he was upset for no reason and he needed to stop crying and get over it. He kept telling himself that if she decided she wanted them to separate and see other people, he would have to survive without her for longer than a month, but this only served to get him more upset about the situation he was in.

"Spence, you're still you even after everything that happened. You're still the same strong, intelligent, beautiful, crazy Spencer you always were and your memories are in there somewhere, you just need a bit more time to get them back, but even if you don't get back everything it doesn't matter to me. All I care about is your happiness, which was a big part of the reason I left, I was trying to stop you feeling forced to be with me."

"But I don't understand why you thought I felt forced, I chose to kiss you, I chose to be with you. Surely that would have made you realize that I did genuinely want to be with you." Her voice was slightly softer, not because she was becoming weaker, but because she was beginning to realize that she had to let him get his point across for them to stand a chance.

"I was there as soon as you woke up, by your hospital bed, visiting you every day and spending hour upon hour sitting by your bedside trying to make you fall in love with me, not thinking about how unfair that was to you. I didn't give you a chance to get used to having me around, I just wanted to go full steam ahead and get back to 'normal', which was why I always got so excited when you got a memory back. I just wanted my wife back, but I didn't really realize that she never left, not were always there, I just took a while to realize that. I should have stayed with a friend and asked someone else to stay here with you. I should have reintroduced myself to you gradually, so you didn't feel threatened by someone you believed to be a murderer. Maybe if I hadn't been there 24/7 you would have met someone else and fallen in love, and never really felt the same about me, even when you got your memories back."

"W-what would you have done if you had come back to find me in someone else's arms, falling for someone else?" Spencer tried to fight against the tears filling her eyes at the thought of being without Toby and being with some stranger she probably didn't even know right no, but they defeated her and marched down her cheeks no matter how hard she fought.

"I would've been glad to see you happy. If anyone had asked I would have said I was fine, I would have got on with my life and maybe one day I would be able to move on sometime in the distant future. But inside I would be hanging on by a wafer thin thread, just surviving, barely getting by day by day. If I did move on, she would never compare to you, to my Spencer. No one can compare to my Spencer. Every time I saw you happy with someone other than me it would kill me bit by bit until there was nothing left but a shell of what I used to be, but on the outside, to everyone else I would be happy for you. I would watch you carefully and if anybody dared to hurt you I would be there, ready to pounce on them and hurt them for daring to harm my precious Spencer. I would never forget you, you would always be on my mind and in my heart and I would never be able to get over you." Spencer had been taking small steps towards Toby while he was talking, until she was standing directly in front of him, where she could reach up to stroke his cheeks and dry them of any tears. She kissed down his cheeks to free them of any excess tears that her fingers struggled with, and her lips brushed lightly against the bright red bags under his eyes and against each side of his mouth until he couldn't help but smile.

"You don't have to worry about that Toby. I'm not going to let you go trough that torture and you never have to be away from me again because I can't be away from you. I mean, I've only really known you for a few months but I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I can't live without you by my side. These last few weeks have been hell, I still don't really know how I got through it, I just know that I have amazing friends and family."

"W-what are you saying?" He needed to ask, not wanting to make any assumptions about what she was saying and get his hopes up, although he couldn't really help it when Spencer was so close to him, her hands still cradling his face and looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world.

"I'm saying that I want to be with you, Toby Cavanaugh. I'm saying that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm saying that I can't wake up every morning without your arms around me and your lips against my shoulder, and your rough morning voice whispering in my ear, especially if it's to ask me if I want breakfast in bed. I'm saying that I want to have children with you and watch them grow up into amazing adults with you by my side. I'm saying I want to grow old with you, the two of us sitting side by side on the porch of whatever nursing home our kids have forced us into, and blackmail them into bringing their own children for a visit. I'm saying I want to hold your hand for the rest of our lives and never have to let go. I'm saying that I love you. I love you so much, Toby Cavanaugh." Toby's face broke out into an almighty smile that would melt even the coldest of hearts, and Spencer found herself crying again, but this time she had a smile on her face.

"I love you too, so much!" Toby declared, grinning at the chance to be able to say it freely again, without fear of scaring Spencer and making her run away and ruin any progress he had made with her.

Neither of them could wait any longer to be closer to one another, smashing their lips together in a collision full of passion, full of everything they had missed over the last month. Spencer's hands tugged sharply on Toby's hair before trailing down the front of his body and then up the back, where they then reconnected with the very ends of the hair at his neck. Toby's hands moved down to her thighs, before grabbing them and lifting her up, making sure she wrapped her legs around his waist. His hands were strong against her back and she knew she was safe, for the first time in a month.

As Toby carried Spencer through to the bedroom, their declarations of love to each other continued whenever their lips separated, however briefly and for whatever reason.

Their lips broke apart as Toby placed Spencer on the bed, lying on top of her and staring into her eyes. They didn't need words to know what was going to happen next, the conversation they were having through their eyes enough to know that they were both sure and ready for what was to come.

* * *

**There you have it, our precious Spoby are back together! :D This is the part that I've been planning since the very beginning so I hope it turned out okay. Of course they were always going to reunite, what kind of cruel person would I be if I kept them apart for too long? Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I think we all know what's coming in the net chapter ;)**


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